I was feeling a bit down and hadn't discovered any relief. The feelings of doubt, pain, and sorrow kept pouring into my soul and adding upon my already troubled mind. Though I knew truth and had faith I wasn't able to conquer the destroyer in this battle of wills and I saw myself succumbing soon if I did not find a source of strength.
In my hour of need I turned to scripture. First to the words of President Boyd K. Packer from our most recent general conference since I had missed that particular session. His voice on the power of the priesthood that we need to obtain was full of might and majesty as one comes to expect from the apostles of the Lord. One line I enjoyed in particular was, "It might seem hopeless; it is monumentally difficult; but it is not only possible, but certain that we will win the battle against Satan," (The Power of the Priesthood, April 2010 Conference).
Next I turned to my reading in the Book of Mormon. I opened to chapter 17 of first Nephi. The very first verse stopped me, "And we did travel and wade through much affliction in the wilderness," (1 Nephi 17:1). Wade through much affliction? Seemed like an interesting word choice. I looked down at the footnote and ended up turning to Psalm 69. I read, "Save me, O God: for the waters are come in unto my soul. I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing: I am come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me. I am weary of my crying: my throat is dried: mine eyes fail while I wait for my God," (Psalms 69:1-3).
This riveted me to the page and I read the whole thing absorbing it as I saw all my complaints and struggles manifest in the words of one from so long ago. When I finished I returned to Nephi and reading on discovered that this wading through the mire had gone on for eight years! Eight years of trials and tribulations. Eight years of Laman and Lemuel conspiring and plotting and "repenting" again and again, but never fully. What a difficult time that must have been.
It reminded me of a passage I had read for my lesson last Sunday in the Marriage and Family Relations Class I am teaching. Elder Neal A Maxwell said, speaking of raising children, "Do not, however unintentionally, make things worse by removing the requirement for reasonable work as part of their experience, thereby insulating your children from the very things that helped make you what you are!" (Ensign, May 1998, 38). Nephi and his righteous family were who they were in the end because of the experiences they went through - such as eight years of trial in the wilderness. Imagine how less powerful and faithful they would have been without those moments.
Using the footnotes again I went back to Psalm 69 and then to D&C 122 where the Lord tells the Prophet Joseph Smith to remember that he is suffering so greatly because, "All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he? Therefor hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever," (D&C 122:7-9).
I went back and finished 1 Nephi 17 and saw reflected in his words all I was going through and how I should approach it. I saw my trials and subsequent triumphs. I saw power in the priesthood. I beheld a glimpse of the future for me and my family and knew that any struggle I was going through would "be but a small moment," (D&C 121:7) yet absolutely crucial in my development as a man of God.
My soul is alight now with the fire of faith and the flame of the Spirit of God. I know I am doing the right thing and holding out with patience for the Lord will bring his promised blessings and strengthen me and my family for eternity. May all of you, as well as I be granted the power to do so, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
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