Helping at an Accident Scene

Today I drove home like normal. When I was nearly home I came upon an accident scene. An SUV had rolled and was sitting in the middle of the street. A few people were nearby.

I felt pulled like I had to get out of the car and help. As I did so, I hurried to the other side of the vehicle and with a few others looked at the lifeless body on the ground. The woman was dead and even though we checked for a pulse and signs of life, we all pretty much knew it once we got there.

After a brief look for anything helpful in and around the car my attention turned to the three children being looked after a few cars down. One was the woman's child, a 10-year-old girl. The other two were her grandchildren. They didn't know for certain if the lady was okay. We didn't elaborate.

Like when I felt I needed to leave my vehicle, I felt compelled to remain with the children. I hadn't seen the accident nor had I actually even touched anything at this point, but I knew inside I needed to remain. A kind woman, an elementary school teacher, was interacting with the children to keep them focused on other things. I joined her and let this teacher go and see how bad things were so she knew what to say around the children - I didn't want to promise them their grandma/mother would be okay.

One girl, aged seven, named Evie became my focus. The little baby was being held and the 10-year-old seemed to have enough support. I hugged Evie and stayed nearby as EMS workers, cops, and other bystanders continued to come to the scene. One person had seen the accident - the woman had been driving too fast and didn't make the turn at the curve in the road on time.

At some moment, while they were checking the vitals of the children and calling for help transporting them I stopped and looked down. Just off the road was a crystal - nothing fancy, just some quartz that looked like an ordinary rock on the outside. I picked it up and held it, knowing it was meant for one of the kids.

Moments later, Evie needed to have a neck-brace put on as a precaution. She was not happy and despite the kindly teacher and the EMS workers' gentle attempts at persuasion she was only getting more anxious and nearly sobbing. I let them try to help her, but then the feeling grew within me to give the rock to Evie,

I interrupted the two adults and speaking directly to the girl, said, "Evie, do you see this rock? It is a crystal and has the power to help you. I want you to squeeze it in your hand when you are scared and it will help you to be brave. Hold on to it." She took the rock and accepted the neck brace without further fuss.

That was it. I didn't really interact any further with the kids. Eventually they were hauled away in ambulances to the hospital to await family members' arrivals. The police had me move my car (which was conveniently parked over the skids marks and oddly protecting the dirt tracks in the road that the SUV had made).  I left and went home.

The emotions of the event are deep and profound. I want to weep and throw myself on my bed. I felt rather helpless there. I knew God was using this to teach me something.

But, I also know I was there to help Evie. For some reason, God wanted me to reach out to her and provide her with a bit of hope and peace. I feel like I was a guardian angel for a minute. It may not be a significant part in my life, but perhaps it was significant to her.

If God can send a simple man like me to provide a few moments of peace to a random girl on the street, then He can surely help any of us when we need it. He knows us and cares for us. He will lead and guide us. Trust in Him

I'm Not Meant to Be a Chicken

Today in sacrament meeting we had a couple of recent converts speak on their conversions and their faith. It was really uplifting to listen to and if you know them you are proud of every step they take because they are awesome. We heard about their lives and their trip to the temple to do baptisms for the dead and were inspired by their courage. The husband in particular was able to speak to my soul.

He shared a story...

...about a baby eagle that fell from its nest and was raised as a chicken. This eagle was content to behave this way and didn't know any different. Finally a naturalist came and spoke to the farmer about the eagle.  

The naturalist tried twice to get the eagle to fly from the farm by placing him up on a fence post and telling him he was more than a chicken. Both times the bird looked back at his adopted home and feeling comfortable there, jumped back down and remained with the chickens. The farmer explained that he was no longer an eagle. 

Finally the naturalist took the eagle far away to a mountain top and tried again. He told the bird who he truly was and allowed him to view the landscape below. Without the comfort of his home the bird was ready to try and he soared.

Finishing this story, the brother stated he was the eagle and he had to be removed from his comfort zone to finally rise to his potential.

For months I have felt so inadequate and weak in my new home, work, and church callings. In our last town I was important and doing well. My teaching was appreciated and needed - with high test scores that were improving. My church work wasn't huge, but I played the organ and taught classes and felt needed and capable of serving. Our home life made sense with me working during the day and my wife working at night more for her sanity than anything, but she loved it.

Now I work in a big city in a different state. I am one of 30 math teachers instead of nine. With new textbooks, all regular kids (I've always had 2 classes of honors kids each year), and a high school known for high achievement - I feel incapable a lot. Throw in the fact that my wife is pregnant and stressing over the messes our children make in the home, my church callings that don't fit my personality and skill sets, and you have a recipe for low self-esteem.

Then that talk was given in church today and I heard the words "out of my comfort zone" and felt the Spirit whisper, "You are here because you are meant to be more. You need this to learn and grow into something greater than you could have been where you were." I felt a little peace and knew I wasn't struggling aimlessly.

Sure, I will continue to feel that I am not up to the task. I surely don't do everything I am supposed to do in order to be perfect in all the parts of my life, but who does? Only those who either have sweat through the hard times or those who refuse to leave the comfort of the hen house to soar up where they belong.

I know that life will continue to be challenging and I am positive I will keep struggling just to stand on my feet and say "I'm okay." However, I know that my Savior stands with me. He continues to led and guide me through his Holy Spirit and the messages of hope and peace he sends my way. I will take the road less traveled on to be the man he needs me to be.

Poisoned Pedestals

I remember the first time an authority figure let me down and I recognized it. That experience cut me deeply and made me question a lot of things I'd understood. Different events of my past, beliefs I'd held forever, even my own self-image were all shaken permanently. It was at that time that I began learning one of life's hardest lessons - no one, and I mean no one, is perfect.

Now, as simple a lesson as that is, you'd think decades later I would know it well enough to apply it to my life. Since no one is perfect, and I'm included there, I must accept that we all have faults and that goodness doesn't depend on a measurement of our spiritual yin-yang balance, but on something deeper.

After dwelling on this for some weeks now, I've realized that we all place people or our idea of people on pedestals and look at them from down below. These sculpted, chiseled busts of who we think people are give us this strange sense of false comfort and ill-placed trust. Not that placing faith in others is wrong nor believing in the good of others. Rather, it is the erroneous construct that since "so-and-so" is up there on that pedestal, they are trustworthy and good. Sounds a bit like idol worshiping.

There are real dangers in allowing ourselves to build these pedestals and place people on them. In time, we will compare ourselves to our created images and realize we are short and that we are not worthy to be in such a lofty station as them. We will come to know that we will never fit in with our perfect population of statues and despair.

Moreover, we will begin looking down on others and see how even more unlike our creations they are than we. Because we cannot bring ourselves up to the status of our perfect, objectified creations, we will tear others down - for if they are even worse than us, perhaps we aren't so bad after all. If we truly knew what we were doing in our mind we would be horrified and disgusted with ourselves.

I try very hard not to tear down my colleagues and those I love. When I catch myself doing it, I am quick to dismiss the thought and remind myself of how the Lord loves them and they are amazing, faults and all. I used to be very good at not judging others much at all - though that became lessened as I grew older. But I have little strength in resisting the temptation to destroy myself.

Lately, I've realized that I've placed an image of myself on the same pedestal that I've been removing my parents, leaders, and friends from. While I have slowly grown to accept their flaws and see the good in them I refuse to ignore my own mistakes and focus on them. Each time I fall short of completing an assignment or I fail to foresee a problem, I feel as though I have failed beyond hope. I have to be the perfect image of myself that I placed on the stand or I am not good enough.

You see, like many others, I've constructed a pedestal and put a bust on there. For some it is their leaders, for others like me, themselves, and still others it is some idea or concept in their life. No matter what we place on that exalted place, if it isn't the Lord himself, we are only poisoning ourselves with blind faith, misguided aspirations, or love of mammon and things. Wanting to be better and perfect ourselves is good - doing it in a way that ignores the truth of how each of us is flawed will only lead to further heartache and sorrow.

I have read several biographies of LDS church presidents and grown to love how these imperfect men did their best in spite of their weaknesses (and sometimes because of them) and ended up making the world a better place. It is marvelous to me to know how they struggled with my afflictions, my temptations, my worries, and still performed so many labors of love in this life. I have been gaining a truer testimony of this work since beginning to understand what many of the Lord's anointed have stated - that they are "mortal and subject to human imperfection" but "While neither perfect nor infallible, these good men and women have been perfectly dedicated to leading the work of the Lord forward as He has directed." (Elder Ballard, October 2015 General Conference).

Over time I hope I will be able to remove the pristine statue of myself that I placed on high and be able to just find joy in my own progression and seeing the hand of the Lord in my life. That I will rejoice in all the good God does in my life. That I will never again place another soul on a pedestal nor compare another to someone I've placed there. That I will come to understand how the words "Exaltation is our goal; discipleship is our journey," (Pres. Utchdorf, October 2015 General Conference) really tell us to aim high, desire to be better, but continue putting one foot in front of the other now and with joy.

And that I will only choose as a perfect role model for myself, Jesus Christ - the one exception to the rule "no one is perfect."

Sometimes Things Just Fall Into Place

I'm going to honest - this summer wasn't easy. We spent the first half sweating through late hours at a job plus six hours a day in class and the second half trying to figure out how to survive without going to school the rest of the summer. It was a long second half and we are still figuring things out, but a lot of stuff seems to be lining up the right way.

First was the job situation. I applied at the BYU Math Lab back in December before landing a job at the BYU Bookstore. I thought they weren't interested in me or that my test scores had sucked miserably. Nope. They just had a different sense of timing. A few weeks ago they emailed me and asked if I could come in for an interview. I did and they gave me a job. Not only that, but they gave me the hours I wanted and it increases my current pay by $0.75 (not a lot unless you're a poor student like me) with another increase once I finish my current math class and teach higher math in the lab.

On top of the new job and pay, I will be reviewing and teaching the math I need to know fluently for three hours a day every weekday. According to research you retain around 90% of what you teach,
so I'll finally master calculus. Gotta love that.

Then, I will be able to get my tutor certification through them which is great because I already have one pupil and am taking on a second one this semester. I picked up the second one from a friend of my boss at work. So really, I will be spending around 30+ hours a week on math not including homework (but including class time). That is good for a Math Education Major.

I am excited for the semester to begin on Monday. I know we still have challenges to face (bills are never resolved around here like we'd hope), but with some obvious divine approval in my choice of careers, I feel that the rest will work out one way or another. We just have to maintain an attitude of faith and believe that God is at the helm. We'll make our choices and trust in him for the rest.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

I was talking to a friend at work on Friday about past jobs and things. I told her about my job at the car dealership in Tucson and how much I hated it. I really didn't like selling cars - it just never sat right in me to try and convince someone to go into $20,000 of debt for a car that wouldn't be worth that much in a month.

Well, while talking to her she made an interesting point. Said she:

Perhaps we have crappy jobs to let us know we don't like them.

The first thing that popped into my head was Michael Jordan. His abilities with a basketball always amazed me. A week or so ago I learned he didn't even make the high school basketball team. That man put so much work into figuring out how to make the game work for him that he became one of the best players ever.

I have had a lot of different jobs in my short employment record. In order:

• Handyman Assistant
• [Missionary]
• Theatre Staff
• Baker's Assistant
• Organ Salesman (musical kind and for one week)
• New/Used Car Salesman
• Cashier
• Cook
• Job Coach (for the mentally disabled)
• Warehouse Jobs (same company, different positions)
• Warehouse Staff
• Roofing Bay Lead-man
• Assistant Manager
• Bookstore Clerk
• doTERRA IPC

And I know I am not finished yet.

What I do know is what works and doesn't work for me. I have been able to do all of these jobs (minus the organ salesman) for a period of time and remain employed (haven't been fired yet) until my own choice to leave. But I have only felt happy when teaching or healing others. My church callings helped to seal the deal on the teaching and our involvement with doTERRA has given me the chance to heal others. I love it.

Another thing we talked about at work was letting go. I, like others, am haunted by my past mistakes. I feel like a horrible person for them and beat myself up sometimes for it. My friend gave another piece of advice - Let it go.

A year and a half ago I received a blessing that promised I was clean at that moment. I need to remember to not dwell on my sins (big or small) from before that time. I also need to let go of the little mistakes from recently. I sin like everyone else and it doesn't matter how much I think I should have "seen it coming" or been able to avoid it. In fact, it is in making mistakes that we learn and grow. We just have to learn not to dwell on them and what we did, but focus on what we can do better next time.

I am always grateful for the inspirational words of friends and colleagues. They are a strength to me every time.

"When they are learned they think they are wise"

Centuries before Christ, at the pinnacle of Greek philosophy, the wise Plato made a bold claim. In reference to our understanding and education he set up a scenario we now refer to as the Allegory of the Cave. In his imaginary cave, Plato planted a group of men who from their youth were strapped in chains so they could not move, not even their heads. The darkness of the cave was illuminated only by a fire behind the men which had a wall in between them. Over this wall, other men would hoist figurines and objects to cast shadows on the walls. Naturally the men would speak on occasion which sounds, echoing off the walls, would seem to emanate from the shadows themselves.

At some point, one of these men is released and allowed to look at the light source, but from the brightness he has never beheld, he turns away. In fact, a man is needed to drag that person up and out of the cave, into the sunlight, in order for him to finally see the truth of things. Over time his eyes would adjust and he could see the world and the real light source, the sun (which, in Plato’s analogy, was the source of life and everything).

Following the ascent to truth, suppose the person ends up back in his place in the cave, Plato says. He would try to convince the others of the falseness of their plight and come to no avail. See, his eyes would not perceive the dark like before and the others’ world consists of seeing the shadows in all their details. They would feel his experience had corrupted him even though the truth was quite the opposite. In fact, given the power, they would probably kill anyone who tried to similarly remove them from their chains to prevent their own loss of sight and lack of connection to reality.

As weird as this scenario sounds, Plato’s claim is thus: “They are like ourselves.”

I’ve been giving this a bit of thought lately and found we are more in line with this than ever before. The question of whether this world is real or not is not my debate. My interest is in our perception of it and that spans all our senses and understanding. Everything we know is based off our interpretation of sensory input and intellectual thought. Even “walking in another man’s shoes” involves our version of his interpretation.

What happens next is the clincher – what if you, like the men in the cave, have been in a state of untruth or partial-truth since birth? Would you know? How could you know? And if someone knew the truth and tried to tell you, would you believe them?

I maintain that this state of being is true for the majority of the world. We grow up in the society we are in. They teach us certain customs and beliefs and without good reason otherwise, we adopt the same. If we are raised thinking you don’t question authority, then we don’t question it unless something happens to shake our faith in the authority (like the Vietnam War). We accept what we are given and move on with our lives.

So what is authority? I’m not talking about governments. I’m talking parents, doctors, teachers, lawyers, judges, bosses, supervisors, trusted friends, and more. People we listen to and take advice from regularly. If your doctor told you to do something or that you had a certain condition, you’d more than likely accept his opinion as fact. Yes, it is from a person trained and schooled in the art of medicine, but regardless of how far you go molecularly, it is still his interpretation of what is happening in your body and it might not be right.

Similarly this happens with other figures (including newscasters, companies, dieticians…) we see all the time. We accept their viewpoints in their fields as facts. That can lead to trouble. There are fads that fit right into what we've been taught and extend it only slightly into the unknown. They sound correct because they do not challenge what we have always regarded as true - they mingle with it. That does not make them true. It does, however, verify this statement from scripture:

"O that cunning plan of the evil one! O the vainness, and the frailties, and the foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish," (2 Nephi 9:28).

We train and learn and school ourselves and when it is done, we take what we know and call it truth. But we are being trained in what is currently accepted as truth - which may or may not be so. We literally fulfill the above passage when we unquestioningly accept the wisdom of authorities other than God. But even there our prophets have provided profound counsel to us from the beginning. Said Moroni,

"And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things," (Moroni 10:4-5).

The prophets can boldly testify of this because their words are true and the Holy Ghost will confirm it. Those who are not truthful will be proven false by the Spirit and in process of time.

But we cannot afford to wait. Some truths require action as we go. You having cancer has one truth - you have cancer. Ignoring or not discovering this truth does not change it. The same goes for our lives in most respects - the more we know the more we can influence for good and the less we know the worse off (or less empowered) we are. We must pursue truth in all that we do so as to be of the greatest power for good we each can be. Only then will the veils of darkness be lifted from our eyes and we'll be able to see things as they really are. Only then will we know the truth and be wise.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive - AC Repair

This is the second batch I blew

I bumped the thermostat a few months ago. Yeah, it crossed a wire and blew a fuse on the circuit board of my central air system. Problem was, I didn't know that and the old thermostat ran solely on power from the circuit board. Well, feeling my old handyman self I went to Home Depot and picked up a new one (with my wife's help from online reviews at home). I checked the instructions and installed it exactly as it said to and turned it on. The digital display was up, but the furnace was not.

After a little more studying on the Internet and some inspection of the system I found the fuse I'd blown - a little 3 amp blade fuse (like what you find in the car under the dashboard). So I went back to Home Depot, but they only carried down to 5 amp fuses. I then called other stores and found similar shortages. I even drove to an electrical component distributor and they looked at me funny before sending me to a car parts store.

See the little purple bugger up in the corner?

Bless those car parts places. I bought their last pack of five 3 amp fuses and went home. I used all but the last while wiring, because I could get the heater and the fan to turn on, but I popped the fuse every time I turned on the cooler. Since it was the freezing cold of spring (for some reason this year's winter never wanted to die), I plugged in the last fuse and left the cooler part alone. Obviously I had time to wait, right?

Well, time flies when you're avoiding a problem. About a month ago I tried tackling the issue again and didn't get any further. I blew another fuse and had to run to the auto parts store to grab another one. I put it back together and left it again since I didn't know the cause of my woes. A week later I was speaking to my elder's quorum president and mentioned the needed repair. He looked at me quizzically and said, "This might seem kind of funny, but did you ask the Lord?" I said a half-hearted prayer after that and didn't get any results (strange, eh?). But that didn't matter because we had a bought of storms and cool weather so I didn't need it anyway...

The time came last week to start getting nervous. Weather predictions showed my good luck was going to run out this week and I had to work fast. Speaking with my Dad, he told me to call a friend of his who was good with mechanical things. I was "too busy" last week to call and put it off until this week. Early this week was crammed full of stuff too. Finally the temperature caught up to us. Wednesday it reached 81 degrees in the house. My family was roasting.

Thursday I got up (late) and walked to the thermostat. I said a prayer and told God that I needed this to be fixed. I asked for help for the sake of my family and went to work. There is a good scripture to remember at a time like this:

"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbradeth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering," (James 1:5-6).

I didn't think of it at the time, but it proved true by the next morning.

First thing I did was call my dad's friend and left a message. While waiting for a response and checking electrical diagrams Steph said, "You should call my Dad." We were both a little dumbfounded when we realized that he was an electronics technician and would be a big help and hadn't thought of this before. With his helped I started checking wires for shorts and the circuit board itself. All proved fine between the thermostat and the board.

my AC compressor

After I finished talking with him, my wife noticed her phone had received a call from out of state. It was my dad's friend. He referred me to a friend of his who was an AC technician. This man explained that the problem was probably with the wires to the compressor or in the compressor itself and how to check it. Once I was off the phone I used my father-in-law's instructions for checking wires for shorts and found the wires where fine. Then I pushed the button on the contact in the compressor and the machine turned on. So the problem was not wiring or the circuit board and the compressor functioned.

At this point I had a bit of inspiration. The contact (specifically an alternating double pole contact) for my compressor relied on a signal from the circuit board to open the pathway to make power flow to the unit (it flipped the switch). Without the power flowing through the unit doesn't turn on and stay on (unless I stand out there and hold the button). I called my father-in-law back and said I thought there was an issue with the contact. He had been reading an online manual for the compressor and came to the same conclusion. We had found the source of the troubles.

The new alt dbl pole contact

Sadly, more trouble was on the way because I couldn't get the part. If a popular appliance department store made one, it would take until Monday to get here and that would cost extra because it would be expedited! Local HVAC repair guys wouldn't sell me one and E-bay charged double the price of the item to get it here by Saturday. We didn't find a better option by closing and figured we'd call more HVAC places in the morning and try to barter with them (it costs $50-$70 to get them to come out and diagnose an issue, then labor and parts on top - and I knew the cause!).

After work (4pm-8pm), I got home and put the kids in bed. I had hot wired the thermostat to stay on fan mode (on my last fuse again) so I could go and hold the button down to cool off the house. Before I got outside I saw my elder's quorum president through the window (lives next door) and asked him about the part since he's an electronics component salesman. He told me our friend and fellow doTERRA consultant (other blog) was a certified AC tech and could buy one (because if the AC guys can fix an AC in a day, the parts have to be nearby, right?) from the local dealers. Sure enough, I called, he said he could and this morning he swung by with the part.

My AC is running again and the house is fine. I worked as hard as I could at the project and because I asked in faith (and worked), God gave me the help and answers. Little miracles are just as real as the big ones and this one meant a lot to me. I will ever be grateful for the advice of my elder's quorum president who believes so much in the power of prayer.

Don't Drop the Duck

So I was juggling some rubber ducks at work today and had an epiphany (yes, even silicon bath toys stylized to resemble cartoon ninjas have their philosophic import). I continually dropped a duck on the fifth or sixth toss. This startled me because although I am not a professional clown or anything, I used be pretty decent at keeping three round objects in the air. That’s when I stopped and thought for a moment.

I realized I was staring at one duck – watching him go over and under the other two. Besides giving me a cross-eyed headache, it was preventing me from doing the most important thing in juggling – keeping your eye on the whole picture. See, when I was training to juggle I had a tendency to stare at the balls. I didn’t want to drop them so I felt the natural thing would be to follow the one about to drop next and switch when you caught it. Well…anyone who juggles knows that is just silly (plus the balls went everywhere so I gave up on that approach).

Truth is your brain knows far more than you admit and your eyes, while easily deceived, still process tons of information without your knowing it. To learn to juggle I had to get right next to a wall and stare at it while tossing the balls. They took a little practice, but I was able to get the hang of it and go on from there to practice anywhere and anytime even without a wall.

Once I remembered that simple truth, I began tossing the ducks with ease (and less pain in my head). Then I had my epiphany. See, life is often like the juggling of those ducks. We can get so focused on individual and seemingly important things (such as: I don’t want to drop the duck so I better keep my eyes on it), that we forget the effects of letting go of the larger picture (which is that you’ll drop the other ducks by such narrowed focusing).

Our souls are old and have a lot of known and hidden talents. We are capable of great things, but when we drop the ball (no pun completely intended) on one thing to focus on another we are often just creating more strain for ourselves. Let the little things go. Focus on living live happily and fully and the other parts will work out as you move forward. Spend too much time on one thing or another and the rest of your life comes to pieces.

I learned that last one the hard way these past several years. I obsess over things easily and it ruins the rest of my goals. My school work would suffer from locking in on one specific class or ignoring all of them for family things. But my family life would suffer from focusing too much on school (such as nine credit hours over a summer term while having a 20+ hour a week job). So for the next couple of months we are taking a break from the schooling. I am spending time with my kids and wife. We’ll work on the house, on our business (see other blog) and our health.

I am grateful our Father in Heaven gives us the chances to learn and grow without suffering severely for every single mistake. He loves us and will take care of us. He loves us enough to let us take those chances and learn from our mistakes, but is always there to help and guide when needed. I am thankful he loves me that much.

Oh…and I am thankful for my boss’s random collection of strange rubber ducks, without which this post would not be written.

I was juggling these (minus the blue one)

Sustaining Church Leaders

     I was disheartened days ago when I overheard a man I had respected discuss with another man what they saw as flaws in the Church today. One man pointed to a large number of women who he knew that had left the Church after receiving degrees in a high ranking field. He pointed to the positions of general authorities on women's roles and blamed them entirely. He continued and questioned saying, "Why don't fourteen year-old girls pass the sacrament?" The other responded "President Hinckley said he didn't know why," to which the reply was "Well, then it is time for a change."

     They continued discussing the issue and pointing to the need for change in the Church on the matter. One stated how it was nearly impossible to get anything to go up through the leadership of the Church because of all the muck you had to wade through. The other said the only thing to do was to form a committee, research the issue and present both the problem and the solution to the brethren. This is the only way things get done in the Church today, he said.

     I had to stay several feet away since all I wanted to do was scream at them. I kept screaming in my mind "How can you be saying these things?! I know you and what you are and some of the callings you've had the Church. What is wrong with you and your friend?" The spirit wisely told me to hold my tongue and I thankfully did. But the questions bothered me for days. It wasn't just the conversation - it was the tone and ideas within it.

     I have been reading and praying, searching for meaningful words on these subjects. I think I found what I needed and I'll share it with you.

     My first thoughts focused on their contempt for the way the brethren and other leaders were dealing with the issues facing women in the gospel and world today. I found a meaningful quote by Elder Ezra Taft Benson given at BYU:

"The prophet is not required to have any particular earthly training or credentials to speak on any subject or act on any matter at any time. Sometimes there are those who feel their earthly knowledge on a certain subject is superior to the heavenly knowledge which God gives to His prophet on the same subject. They feel the prophet must have the same earthly credentials or training which they have had before they will accept anything the prophet has to say that might contradict their earthly schooling. How much earthly schooling did Joseph Smith have? Yet he gave revelations on all kinds of subjects. We haven’t yet had a prophet who earned a doctorate in any subject, but as someone said, 'A prophet may not have his Ph.D. but he certainly has his LDS.' We encourage earthly knowledge in many areas, but remember, if there is ever a conflict between earthly knowledge and the words of the prophet, you stand with the prophet, and you’ll be blessed and time will vindicate you," (BYU, February 26, 1980).

     We cannot presume to tell the Prophet what is wrong with the Church and how to fix it. He is the Lord's anointed and he will be instructed as necessary for the development of the Church and kingdom of God on the earth. Only he can receive revelation on how to change the current setup and if their is a conflict with our thoughts and the Church, we side with the Prophet (who the brethren also side with).
     Another good quote, this time from President Harold B Lee:

Now the only safety we have as members of this church is to do exactly what the Lord said to the Church in that day when the Church was organized. We must learn to give heed to the words and commandments that the Lord shall give through his prophet, 'as he receiveth them, walking in all holiness before me ... as if from mine own mouth, in all patience and faith.' (D&C 21:4-5.) There will be some things that take patience and faith. You may not like what comes from the authority of the Church. It may contradict your political views. It may contradict your social views. It may interfere with some of your social life. But if you listen to these things, as if from the mouth of the Lord himself, with patience and faith, the promise is that 'the gates of hell shall not prevail against you; yea, and the Lord God will disperse the powers of darkness from before you, and cause the heavens to shake for your good, and his name's glory,'" (October Conference 1970, Sunday Afternoon Session).

     It seems to state the obvious. We may have extreme issues with the current policy of the Church regarding women and the priesthood or the role of women. It doesn't matter. Our place is not to question the brethren, especially the prophet, but to seek our own confirmation of the truth as they give it to us and ask for humility when we struggle with what they say. They manage the Church according to revelation from the Lord and not the philosophies of men. Again, we must follow the Prophet even if it conflicts with our social or political views.

     We are not sheep. It is not healthy for us to blindly go through life. However, it is not our place to question the divinely appointed leaders of the Church. Said Wilford Woodruff,

"The Lord will never permit me or any other man who stands as President of this Church to lead you astray. It is not in the programme. It is not in the mind of God. If I were to attempt that, the Lord would remove me out of my place, and so He will any other man who attempts to lead the children of men astray from the oracles of God and from their duty," (Sixty-first Semiannual General Conference of the Church, Monday, October 6, 1890, Salt Lake City, Utah. Reported in Deseret Evening News, October 11, 1890, p. 2.). 

     Hence, questioning the President of the Church's decisions is not healthy at all. It is saying the Lord is not in control and quite incapable of managing the affairs of His children through the Church. So we do not follow blindly, but we follow. Get going and do what the Apostles say and pray for a testimony of it as you go. 
     Brigham Young spoke about his way of handling any faults he thought to perceive in the Prophet Joseph Smith in this manner, 

"Though I admitted in my feelings and knew all the time that Joseph was a human being and subject to err, still it was none of my business to look after his faults. … He was called of God; God dictated him, and if He had a mind to leave him to himself and let him commit an error, that was no business of mine. … He was God’s servant, and not mine,” (Journal of Discourses, 4:297.).

     That quote was ideal for me! Of course they are men and have faults. If they were free of faults, wouldn't they be translated by now? Ask any of their family and dear friends and I am sure they can remember things from the past that are not pristine. That doesn't matter though. Reflect on the pre-conversion state of the sons of Mosiah. Mormon said "for they were the very vilest of sinners. And the Lord saw fit in his infinite mercy to spare them," (Mosiah 28:4) and we should all be grateful He did. Their faith lead to the conversion of thousands of Lamanites and changed the course of history in Americas as well as provide priceless scriptures for our day and age.

     Our leaders are flawed men and have their own troubles to deal with on top of dealing with ours. The Lord uses them to help us and He blesses us when we obey their counsel and harken to their teachings. Elder George F. Richards (President of the Council of the Twelve) said, "When we say anything bad about the leaders of the Church, whether true or false, we tend to impair their influence and their usefulness and are thus working against the Lord and his cause," (In Conference Report, Apr. 1947, p. 24.). 

     It is not our place to tear them down in any way. We must never engage in evil-speaking of the Lord's anointed for any reason. President David of McKay stated,

"Better stop murmuring and build. Remember that one of the worst means of tearing down an individual is slander. It is one of the most poisonous weapons that the evil one uses. Backbiting and evil speaking throw us into the class of malefactors rather than the class of benefactors,”(Gospel Ideals, Salt Lake City: Improvement Era, 1953, pp. 142–43.).

     I freely admit that I don't know all the answers to God's rationale on keeping woman out of performing priesthood ordinances for the Church like the sacrament. All I understand is that he gave to the two genders differing, but overlapping charges from the time they left Eden until today. As the Family Proclamation states, 

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation," (General Relief Society Meeting, September 23, 1995).

     In considering the roles of women in the Church and world, remember such examples as Mother Theresa - who never married or had children. Think inside the Church of Sheri Dew who was a counselor in the General Relief Society Presidency of the Church, but also never married. Think also of the college degrees those women who serve in the General Relief Society Presidency carry. We are encouraged to obtain as much education as possible and that is not a gender specific commandment. Women are not simply cattle or servants - they have high and exalted roles to fulfill. That is usually within the role of mother, but not always.
     Speaking to my wife about this matter she said that it is very clear to her there are different roles for the two of us. She has inspiration and guidance for the children that I never have had, nor expect to. Her calling as a mother is unique to her gender and carries great responsibilities and blessings. Some days I come home and she is frazzled by the behavior of the children, but it only takes one smile or hug to make her day. She loves them and would do anything for them. I love them too, but I cannot compete with her in that respect.

     Outside of my home (and inside) my faith is with the brethren and the Church. When they ask us to do something or be something, I feel convinced that is the course of action I need to take. There are no other options for me because I know it is true and want the blessings obedience brings into my life. When I receive a mandate from a priesthood leader, local or general, I know it is from God because that person was called by Him to help me and others. 

     Our sustaining our leaders means exactly that. We are to follow, uplift and support them by whatever means we can. That is what God asks of us and speaking ill of them or their work is only going to drag us down to Hell. This work is true and that means the Apostles and Prophets are called of God and speak for Him. I know it is true and can never deny it. It is what keeps me going and it guides my faith when I hear them speak or read their words. 
     They truly are men of God and anyone can see it by the fruits of their labors - they bring others to Christ. They bring me to Christ. They can bring you to Christ as well. Listen to them. Try their words. Have faith and you will see the beauty that is in this restored Church and gospel. God loves us and gave us these leaders to help us in this, our time of need. Believe in Christ and his servants.

Unscientific Science

So tonight I went to my first "doterra" class. I was already converted, but tonight was really neat and I have been thinking a lot the past week about the doterra oils and other medicinal substances and practices that science discredits (which doesn't mean much to me since science discredits itself all the time). See, modern "western" science doesn't accept things like my N.A.E.T. treatments from the past few years or these oils. It places energy meridians and chakras up to superstition and regards any change as a placebo affect.


Well, I am not a scientist. But I understand the scientific method - experiment and observe - and got to try it out first hand. First was with our bout of illness from a few weeks ago. We'd been going through the worst cold our family had ever seen. My wife and kids had each had it and my son was getting it again. Stephanie finally called her friend and made her bring her oils and put them on the kids and us. They all recovered within a few days with frequent use and I stubbornly avoided more contact and had to deal with a sinus infection for the next week.

Next, Stephanie was scanned (bio-scanner) and it showed one oil specifically that she needed. We got that oil and the affect was incredible. She calls it her "crack" because it makes her so happy. I was loosening up at this point, but still a bit sceptical for my own needs. Then I caught the vision.

Last weekend I took a trip to Arizona to see my brother go through the Mesa Temple for his endowments. While the experience was awesome, I had to stay in homes that housed dogs. Pet hair has always keeled me over. I get wheezy and runny nosed the first hours and even with drugs my symptoms persist for a day followed by a week of asthma issues. All I had that weekend was a little bottle of Breathe (a blend of oils) and used it consistently. It didn't completely remove the symptoms, but it made a huge difference and I never had to get an inhaler.

After the two day trip I got home and used a diluted vial of Balance (diluted for the kids, another blend) and the symptoms stopped by the next day. For this whole week I should have been coughing and slowed down by my lack of oxygen. Actually, I was running late the past two days and had to run a good deal to get to work on time. Still no asthma and no relapse. Yeah, I'm convinced.

The allergy treatments with N.A.E.T. were a blessing and a miracle. They fixed issues I didn't even know I had, but saw the impact they had given me for years once they were lifted. These oils are very similar. I get that people will doubt and reason them away, but I am tired of relying on "modern" medicine and its magic pills. Pills often don't work exactly right or build up tolerances, plus many times they only function as a mask for the issues. The oils are not a bandage (as they said tonight). They simply provide the nutrients our bodies lack - thus giving the body a chance to heal itself.

What I was thinking from all these things was how much we are missing when we bind ourselves into a medicinal hole, especially with western medicine. There is so much more out there to help us. I don't think we should completely abandon the sciences and their fruits. Surgeries and drugs and even over the counter medications have their places and help many people. It is when we rely solely on them that we are blinded to truth that may exist elsewhere.

How many other amazing health things are out there? Just doing a brief search on Wikipedia (obviously not the most accurate source out there) revealed this self-proclaimed, incomplete list: naturopathy, chiropractic medicine, herbalism, traditional Chinese medicine, Ayurveda, meditation, yoga, biofeedback, hypnosis, homeopathy, acupuncture, and nutritional-based therapies. I don't know how many work or not, but I am more than open to the idea that they might and I know that at least a few do.

God doesn't place all his eggs in one basket. He spread his truth and light over all the earth in different ways. Medicine, real medicine (whatever kind that actually works) is an inspiration from God and blesses lives. False healers (whether people or compounds) bind us down and yoke us to addictions and practices that keep us where we are and force our dependence upon them. I believe that many truths of medicine from all over the world could be blended into one great whole and hope to incorporate truth from wherever it may come.

"And the Lord turned the captivity of Job" (Job 42:10)

We have been blessed again this week. It started with the death of the Sentra (SEE POST: Dead Sentra) at church last Sunday. It was funny because when it wouldn't start Steph and I looked at each other and decided that it was time to ditch the car. We prayed and asked for guidance and felt the time had come to sell it and find something else. But what?

As we start looking at everything from mid-sized cars to suburbans (Steph said no to the 'burbs) we weren't sure what to do. Prices and sizes were going through our heads and didn't seem to line up. We really wanted a mini-van to take us through at least two more kids without having to up the vehicle size again soon, but how?

Wednesday I went and applied at the BYU Bookstore for a job since the Math Lab TA position didn't pan out (sigh). I was hired that afternoon. Then, while dropping some money into a credit union for a friend in Tucson I ran into an old mission pal who was the assistant branch manager there. He told me to let him know if there was anything he could do to help us.

Steph found OUR van the next day. It is a 2004 sienna with 103,000 miles and in excellent condition inside and out. She was infatuated by it and despite its $9,990 price tag couldn't stop thinking about it. It isn't that this was overpriced, for a Sienna in this condition it is priced low, we just hadn't planned on a car loan, especially that big. So she and I started talking numbers.

Friday she filled out online paperwork through the same credit union that my mission friend worked at and by the end of the day we had been approved for our loan! We called my friend and he offered to let us come and sign the papers at his branch on Saturday (normally only the drive-through is open then) once we had the contract with the dealer, CAR SCOUT, in Midvale - I highly recommend him. We got that Friday night.

Saturday the loan process was smooth and fast. Our other friends have been driving us as needed and took us back up to Midvale where we got the van and drove home. This van is perfect. Turns out it was a fleet vehicle for most of its life which means lots of highway and professional drivers with plenty of regular maintenance. Then, it is also an eight seater which is hard to find. That means we can fit three more kids in there! So, if we stop at six or less we are set and if more we won't need a new car for close to 10 years (average of 2.5 years in between and we still have time from Sophie before the next)! We even bought an extra service warranty to cover any pumps, parts or valves that break under the hood for the next five years.

I don't know how else to describe this than that this is OUR van. It all fell together perfectly. In fact, the Sentra has started twice in a row now (first time while showing it to a buyer) with no troubles and I think perhaps it was stopped on Sunday to make us look for this van. We are set for years now rather than having to upgrade every few years. Thank you all for your prayers and faith in God and us. We are so blessed by all of you!

Thank You!

We are making a huge change in our lives. I am quiting my very involved job to do full time school. At the same time, my wife left on a week long trip with the baby, I had to study for finals and try to obtain employment for next semester (part time). It was a very stressful and trying time for me and it started with calling in sick and losing 16 hours of work the week before. Anyway, we were a little concerned (me more than Steph of course) and didn't know quite how to help the situation. Then the little miracles started occurring.

Steph's friends all pitched in free of charge to watch the children while I was at work or school and she was away. My employer was very kind and wrote a letter of recommendation for me to get a job at the Math Lab on campus. At the work Christmas party we won a gift card, a jar of money from a guessing game and randomly received a $100 bill in the gift exchange. Then, despite my academic standing, the goverment back paid my grants for this semester. Suddenly our bills were taken care of. I was able to finish my English class with a strong A, my math class with at least a B and do well enough on the Math Lab entrance exam to have a shot at getting in.

Finally, last night I was at home with the kids when a loud knock came at the door. Opening it found a box of food, including a large turkey and trimmings, with a card. It was addressed to the family and offered wishes for a merry Christmas and that this would help. In place of a signature, a $100 bill was folded inside the card.

All this help from God and his servants has not only helped us at this difficult time, but bolstered my faith and resolve to continue onward in school and life. Thank you to all of you, those we know helped and those who wished to remain anonymous. Your kindness still brings tears to my eyes. You are wonderful and are truly angels of God. May He bless you abundantly for all you've done for my family.

Justin

Lifting Higher

There come moments in life where a sort of "make it or brake it" point comes along. You know, when all Hell seems combined against you and your will to push forward is ready to snap. These moments are the refiner's fire. They are designed specifically for us to build within our souls the characteristics required for the future and eternity.

Albert R. Lyman once wrote: “Sturdy stuff is not developed in a soft cradle. Strong souls are born in adversity and schooled in hardship, and the great mill of fortune grinds more carefully on the special men and women destined to bear the heaviest human burdens.”

See, that moment when we are ready to collapse, ready to give in to the pressure and the pain that seems all consuming, is actually the moment when we can rise higher than ever before. We are not meant to wallow in the mire for all our existence. We are meant to push on, to fight through the sorrow and the suffering to become what we are meant to be. We can do it. We must do it. Our souls depend on it and others too.

We are destined for greatness, you and I. We are designed by an all knowing and loving creator who knows the best way to mold us into the champions of goodness and light we are to become. Hence it becomes more than critical to push on. When all energy is consumed, when all hope seems lost, when everything is falling apart, that is when the Lord steps in and lifts us higher.

We won't achieve greatness by giving up or giving in. We are given that honor when we have fought the good fight, when we have finished the course and we have kept the faith (see 2 Timothy 4:7).

Don't give up.

Faith and Works - Personally

This is an essay I wrote for my New Testament Class. During the experience I had to delve into my soul and so this piece, while not the best literarily, is a part of me and my truth.

There is a debate oft posed between born-again Christians and some Latter-day Saints surrounding the grace of Christ. Are we saved by grace or works? Or is it a combination of the two? For years I have known it was mostly works and tried to defend my views. I was wrong.

During my missionary years I fortified the idea of self-perpetuation. Sure I included God in the mix, but He was always a foot note to the task. It was laden on me to find His sheep and that would only happen if I were doing everything possible and doing it right. In the end I left the mission field with around a dozen baptisms and no true appreciation of my Savior.

Don’t misunderstand me! I truly love this work and this gospel. I know it is divinely inspired and that it has power and authority. What I lacked was the personal testimony of how the savior fit into all of this. Obviously he is the central figure in the plan of salvation and the key to resurrection and exaltation, but that didn’t come with a one-to-one attachment in my mind. He was the Savior of the world as a whole, not of me individually.

In my mind I treasured up two verses of scripture to support my view. First from James: “Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone,” (KJV James 2:17). Then I used Nephi’s words when he said, “we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do,” (2 Nephi 25:23, emphasis imagined in my mind years ago). Together it was so obvious: grace is a gift unto those with faith which is dead without works requiring our all. Shortening the statement yielded the following idea – grace is a reward to those who give it their all. This was okay since our all is too short of the mark anyway and therefore it is Christ who technically saves us in the end.

That held up fine until five years after my mission when I was in a religion class with Brother Richard D. Draper. He told a parable of little boy who worked hard all summer to save enough pennies for the circus and finally on the last day had exactly enough to go in, but succumbed to temptation before reaching the Big Top by buying a penny sucker. The man at the counter checked the pennies individually and found the boy short. It was made clear that he had no chance to obtain another penny for the show. That’s where Brother Draper excused us until the next class – two days later!

Walking out of that testing center classroom I found a penny on the floor. I found myself yearning to give it to the poor little boy when the parable translated to real life and I found myself sorrowing for my own sake and the countless spiritual pennies I had squandered and could never get back. For two days I agonized over this penny and carried it wherever I went.

The next class we talked of the Savior and his atonement. The boy was offered the missing fee in exchange for the lollipop which the man threw into the trash. It solved the story, but not me. Here it is months later and the truthfulness of this doctrine is only now sinking in. As I sit writing this essay I feel the pains of inadequacy both in my righteousness and in my understanding.

It is through Paul’s teachings that I am gaining a truer appreciation of what my Savior has done for me. In his epistle to the Romans he stated, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God. Therefore being justified only by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus…Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith only, without the deeds of the law,” (JST Romans 3:24, 27). This verse alone clears up a great deal of my mistaken ideas. For instance, rereading Nephi and attaching an earlier verse we discover, “it is only in and through the grace of God that ye are saved,” (2 Nephi 10:24). His use of “after all we can do” was not to imply a requirement, but a fact that what we do is as nothing in the face of what Christ does for us. Yet this is just the beginning of Paul’s impact.

Time and time again Paul speaks of the negative influences upon the saints that are directly sourced from the Judaizers. In Galatians he tells the saints to “be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage,” (KJV Galatians 5:1). It isn’t that the Law of Moses was base or unhelpful, but that the misapplication of it was destructive. What a true statement! In my life I have continually directed my efforts to vain and inappropriate emphasis on the commandments.

We cannot and will not work our way into heaven. We must try to live the teachings of the gospel and strive to be better constantly for that is the attitude of a saint. Yet despite any good we may accomplish in this life, we all “have sinned, and come short.” I am learning this slowly and through great repetition.

Moreover, we cannot expect perfection in this life nor anytime soon following it. In the epistle to the Hebrews we are admonished, “Let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith,” (KJV Hebrews 12:1). My futile efforts to obtain perfection through my own works have been my downfall time and time again. I finally learned this semester that I am not expected to do everything at once. I had to drop a class and consequently my status as a full time student. However as the Lord said to Joseph Smith, “Do not run faster or labor more than you have strength and means provided,” (D&C 10:4).

I am trying to rely on the Lord for my strength now. He knows my capabilities and my weaknesses. He knows my potential. He offers eternal life to me for the price of following him. Not that I earn it, but that Christ is giving it to me and asking, in exchange, for a comparatively worthless piece of agency. I know I can give it to him and hope to do so forever more.

Experimenting with Faith

I have been in the midst of an experiment these past several months. The details are too personal to share in general, but the journey and methods are too worthwhile not to expound on. They have enlightened and enriched my soul and continue to strengthen my resolve and faith.

Months ago I felt impressed with a piece of personal revelation. This simple feeling carried with it a lot of consequence, but not a lot of evidence. It even seemed that over the next few months it was more contradicted than upheld. Days and weeks passed with further lack of support. I wondered what was going on and if I had misinterpreted something and spoken incorrectly.
Further, I worried about how to resolve it since the time period had not passed and the signs of its truthfulness had not come. The time came where I began to not only ask if it was right, but what was I supposed to be learning from all of this regardless?

"But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him," (Hebrews 11:6).

For certain this was the concern. I needed to have faith, but faith must be in truth to be worth anything. Alma, speaking to Korihor, said, "I am grieved because of the hardness of your heart, yea, that ye will still resist the spirit of truth, that thy soul may be destroyed," (Alma 30:46). This is a fact in the gospel. Christ said, "And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free," (John 8:32). So I was not needlessly worried. Clinging to truth is fundamental.

The issue grew and grew within me and I stressed over it time and time again. What was I involved in? If it was of God it was good, but if it was not then I was in trouble. Which was it? Finally I began to remember the words of Alma I had discovered before my mission:

"Now, as I said concerning faith - that is was not a perfect knowledge - even so it is with my words. Ye cannot know of their surety at first, unto perfection, any more than faith is a perfect knowledge. But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words," (Alma 32:26-27).

Life is hard and trying and uncertain and it cannot be solved in a moment. We do not gain truth instantaneously like downloading a computer program. "For he will give unto the faithful line upon line, precept upon precept; and I will try you and prove you herewith," (D&C 98:12, see 11-12). It is a divine mandate that we learn a little at a time not all at once.

With all this came the answer to the unspoken question - why do we learn this way? Why can't answers be shown unto us and the faith we strive for given to us by miracles and signs?

"Yea, there are many who do say: If thou wilt show unto us a sign from heaven, then we shall know of a surety, then we shall believe. Now I ask, is this faith? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; for if a man knoweth a thing he hath no cause to believe, for he knoweth it. And now how much more cursed is he that knoweth the will of God and doeth it not, than he that only believeth, or only hath cause to believe, and falleth into transgression?" (Alma 32:17-19).

God is gracious enough to allow us time to learn so we have time to grow. We cannot progress in an instant from men who are not "even as much as the dust of the earth," (Mosiah 2:25) to "inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths," (D&C 132:19). It just doesn't work.

I have learned that the point of this whole endeavor, regardless, is to understand how to receive revelation and know of its truth. We must experiment upon the word we receive, by the voice of others or the Spirit of God, in order to obtain the sure knowledge we seek. It takes time and patience, but in the end it "yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness," (Heb 12:11) and the salvation of our souls. I hope all of us can do this and pray so in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Timing

I was loading a semi-truck yesterday and getting very frustrated. It was the third day in a row where I was late at work and it was taking a toll on me. Anger welled inside of me and I was less than hospitable. I really couldn't seem to calm down about the situation. Why was my time being constricted like this? I had a lot to do both with homework and family, wasn't that more important?
Certainly, if nothing else, I had the right to be angry and impatient; right?

"When we are unduly impatient we are suggesting that we know what is best--better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than His. Either way we are questioning the reality of God's omniscience as if, as some seem to believe, God were on some sort of postdoctoral fellowship and were not quite in charge of everything." (Neal A. Maxwell, Patience, BYU Speeches, Nov 27, 1979).

Apparently not. The truth of the matter is God is in charge of everything. He is the one who designed the plan in which we are participating. It is to Him we promised, long ago, to follow through with the blueprints He gave us. Sometimes we forget that we must have faith, not only that something is what God wants for us, but that it is also good because of it - that what He wills is the best and will bring us the must joy.
If God lets things happen so that I am late at work, through no fault of my own, then that is where He wants me to be at that time. How dare I suggest that in my weak and inexperienced position He should bend His omniscient will to mine. That may sound harsh, but it is true. We cannot become impatient and frustrated by circumstances without insinuating that the previous is true.

Remember the words of the scriptures:

"Rest in the lord, and wait patiently for him," (Psalms 37:7)

"I WAITED patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry," (Psalms 40:1)

"Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools. Say not thou, What is the cause that the former days were better than these? for thou dost not enquire wisely concerning this." (Ecclesiastes 7:8-10)

It would be best if we all adopted the philosophy, "Be still my soul, thy wise, thy heavenly friend, through thorny ways leads to a joyful end," (Be Still My Soul, Hymns #124). In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Running Fast

During the past two weeks the pressures of school, home and work took their toll on me. I enrolled in 12.5 credit hours this semester and was trying to balance that inbetween the demands of my wife and kids and the requirements of my full time job. This had seemed manageable in my mind when I signed up for it, but I wasn't really paying attention to the Spirit.

"And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order." (Mosiah 4:27)

I'm sure that many, like myself, have heard these words or their synonyms many times. It has been easy for me to understand this principle in the physical sense because I have had asthma since I was very young child and it severely limits my speed and endurance in sports. What it has never correlated to with me is my mind.

For some reason I have entertained this belief that I can handle all things if I put my mind to it. It probably stems from such passages as:

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philip 4:13)

"And I said unto them: If God had commanded me to do all things I could do them. If he should command me that I should say unto this water, be thou earth, it should be earth; and if I should say it, it would be done." (1 Nephi 17:50)

But remember, that to be understood properly we must always take things in context. Both Paul and Nephi were talking about God given mandates and as Nephi said earlier, "I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them," (1 Nephi 3:7). See, the trick is that God has to command it. If he hasn't approved it, then you do not have the assurance that he will enable you to see it through.

I feel the best example that correlated to my problem is that of the Prophet Joseph Smith. He had a divine calling - translate the Book of Mormon. This was a crucial part of the restoration and has been a blessing to millions since its completion. Surely timing was of the essence and the faster the better, right? Yet listen to the words of the Lord on the matter:

"Do not run faster or labor more than you have strength and means provided to enable you to translate; but be diligent unto the end," (D&C 10:4)

Even a work as important as the Book of Mormon had to be done in its proper time and place. The same applies to us today with our goals. I desperately want to finish college and do it quickly, but it is not the best for me to run at an all out sprint through the academic world. I don't have the strength nor means. My other responsibilities require enough of me that I must maintain a slower, though steady, course that ensures completion without destruction.

I know now what this means in my life and pray that others may find these truths reflected in their own. May the Lord bless you with the wisdom to know your limits, for he said, "I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." (Ether 12:27). I pray this will be so, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

PS - I dropped a class and went to 3/4 time. It was the best decision I've made academically.

The Pursuit of Truth

On Friday I was chatting with a colleague and told him of my experience with the blog and how it had been a bit more than I bargained for when I discovered the truth about the R-rated movies from general authority quotes. He was hesitantly inquisitive about what I learned and I shared the quote in "R-rated Movies" from Bishop H Burke Peterson. After I finished and said my feelings on it he told me of his collection of edited R-rated movies and said, "Next time I ask, don't tell me."

Aren't we all like that sometimes - especially within the LDS church? See, we know that the road ahead isn't easy. It requires sacrifice and hard work almost every time we learn a new commandment or doctrine of the gospel. We desire, it seems, to avoid moments of instruction just to ensure that we won't be "caught with guile," (Alma 18:23).

But what are we doing to ourselves in those moments? Is it worth not hearing the word of the Lord so we can avoid new requirements and expectations? I thought about this, reflecting on my life before my mission and how little I exerted myself towards anything. Not surprisingly, "nothing ventured, nothing gained," seemed to prove itself true constantly. So I thought to myself, What are we to do? Then the scriptures started flooding into my mind.

"There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated," (Doctrine and Covenants 130:20-21). This simple and profound truth dictates the movement of the world. When we follow gospel laws - knowingly or not - we are blessed (further blessings are obviously obtained for the conscience adherence to a law). When we do not follow gospel laws - knowingly or not - we are cursed or at least not blessed.

As far as accountability is concerned the words of Mormon ring clear, "For behold that all little children are alive in Christ, and also all they that are without the law. For the power of redemption cometh on all them that have no law; wherefore, he that is not condemned, or he that is under no condemnation, cannot repent," (Moroni 8:22). We are to be judged according to the truth that we know. It is the only condition that our thoughts, words and deeds will be pit against during judgment. This does not, however, give us entitlement to blessings (or the absence of cursings) despite our behavior. We can only obtain such by adhering to the laws they are predicated on.

For example: in America it is considered commonplace for young men and boys to engage in pornography and promiscuous activities. Yet from modern prophets we've learned that such behavior is destructive and debasing. Youth and adults who participate in such exploits are far more likely to treat women with disrespect, be unfaithful to spouses and even become abusive, than their chaste counterparts. Their adherence to the law - though unknown - still carries consequences. Their condemnation at the judgment will depend on the level of understanding they had, but their current state of being still is dependent on what laws they are following.

If we want to obtain the blessings promised we must adapt our behaviors to the laws of God and "true doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior," (Boyd K. Packer, “Do Not Fear,” Liahona, May 2004, 77–80). Therefore the pursuit of truth should be the goal of all of us. It is as the Savior said, "And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free," (John 8:32).

To those unwilling to move ahead I echo the words of Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "it is not better to remain outside the Church nor to reject a mission call nor to put off marriage and so on and so on forever," (BYU Speeches of the Year, March 1999). We must seek after, adhere to and cleave unto truth for it ennobles and enlightens and it is what will lift us up when centered on Christ and his atonement. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Reasons Revisted

After having the encounter with a friend over the R-rated movie issue I talked about in my last blog I recognized something about these blogs. I know no one is really reading them and probably won't read this one. It seems that the original question of "is this for me or for others" has been answered.
But that is only part of these blogs. While I thought initially these would just stand on their own, they now are clearly a part of something greater. I have a goal to achieve a thorough understanding of the gospel of Jesus Christ as taught by the scriptures and Modern Prophets and apostles. To do that I have to explore new topics, write out ideas and find quotes and passages that not only illustrate the point, but provide the authority essential to maintaining its integrity.
I am dedicating myself to doing just this,regardless of whether others read these entries or not. This is to be a resource in my quest for self perfection and helping others which is a part of my patriarchal blessing. If you read these blogs, I hope they will help you. Thanks for participating in my journey.

"Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence"

I can not describe accurately the strength I have gained from this simple address given over a decade ago by an apostle of the Lord. Every time I listen to it I feel power emanating from the speakers in my car (I often listen to talks by LDS general authorities on my way to and from work). Elder Jeffrey R Holland has such a feeling of love and concern in his voice that it is impossible for me not to be drawn in when he speaks.
The main message of the speech is "once there has been genuine illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don't give up when the pressure mounts."
"'Fear ye not.' And when the second and the third and the fourth blows come, 'fear ye not. . . . The Lord shall fight for you.' 'Cast not away therefore your confidence.'"
I cannot tell you how many times these past several months I have found peace and confidence in these words. It is so hard with the way the world is today to cling fast to the truths God gives us. I find myself drifting from his guidance and reaching for science far too often. I struggle greatly with the seemingly irreconcilable differences of science and religion--not with the great ones like God and the Church, but the little things that pretty much apply to only me and those around me.
It is the message of this talk--that God will fight for us, that we shouldn't retreat, that if it was right then it is right now--that has reminded me to push through the doubts and fears and cling fast to the revelations that are given. He loves us. He has given us the Holy Ghost to guide and direct us to our salvation. He has given the priesthood to men on earth to bless the lives of all who will have faith. He has given us revelation and all things for our good.
I know that God watches over me and my family. He loves us and is guiding us always and if we will just listen to him he will take us to ever greater and more majestic spiritual heights. I know it is true and am grateful to be a part of his plan. I love this work. May God bless all of you to find the strength to carry on through your trials. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

The full text of this talk can be found on this link http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=795&tid=2 Listen to it. I promise it will enlighten you.