Happy Easter! Seems a good day for the next atonement post.
So I'm sitting at the table with my family. I cooked a spiral ham, roll, and roasted red potatoes, and was starting to enjoy it when my middle daughter starts pitching a fit. At first I didn't think much of it. She'd just woken up 15 minutes ago so she was bound to be a little cranky. But then she said something that startled me - "My roll is broken."
Recently in the news, (and all over Facebook), there has been a story about a "heroic Chili's waitress" which features a picture of an autistic girl kissing her burger. The story says the restaurant made her burger and cut it in half (as was customary for children's meals) before taking it to the table. When it got there the girl said, "it’s broken, I need a new one." The waitress refused the parents' offer to pay for a new one and picked up the part crying, "I brought you a broken cheeseburger? I am so sorry, I’ll get you another one." In the end, the child kissed the new "whole" cheeseburger and was happy.
Already having one child diagnosed on the autism spectrum, we've been watching Sophie carefully. Stephanie has seen more symptoms than I - since I'm rarely home - and this was probably my most impressive example. Her words immediately brought that news story to mind and I knew we had another one.
We spent the next 20 minutes trying to convince, persuade, console, correct, discipline, and explain away the issue - clearly missing the example from the story of going along with the whole "broken thing" and replacing it. It's not like we were short on rolls (I just put away the rest of dinner and around seven or eight went in a bag). I guess both my wife and I felt it more important to make her current roll work regardless. Another 10 minutes or so later she'd finally had a couple bites of it and left the table.
So what does my almost three year old with suspected asperger's syndrome have to do with the atonement of Jesus Christ? Everything.
One of the heaviest weights on my mind is the raising of my children. When my own selfish needs are met, I quickly start viewing the future. I see them going through public school, attending college, serving church missions, getting married and children of their own. I also see all the mistakes coming due to my poor guidance and preparation. I see them rebelling because of my overbearance or losing faith because I didn't anticipate the unique obstacles of each child.
Truth is, no matter how well read we might be, no matter how much thought we might give, no matter how much we try, we'll never be able to prepare them against everything coming. Oh don't get me wrong - we'll get them ready to be on their own and learn from mistakes, but there will be mistakes. Gobs of them.
My children's salvation does not depend entirely on my parenting style nor my method of discipline, but rather on the knowledge of Jesus Christ. They will be saved as we are saved - through repentance and faith on our Savior. Our small role as parents is providing living examples of good and teaching them how to apply the atonement in their own lives. Which means we must learn to apply it in our own.
I think of all my struggles in life, this one is the hardest. It isn't that I don't believe in the atonement, but I don't have a strong experience with it. My testimony will grow and grow over the years, but since I was raised in the Church, I don't have a strong transformation moment or dramatic change from pre-gospel to post-gospel living. It is just a gradual build from one life experience to the next. So while I believe in it strongly, I must continue to have faith without much evidence - though I guess that's the point isn't it?
I do try to apply the atonement in my life. I ask for the guidance of my Heavenly Father often and especially in difficult times. I feel I am at least average at apologizing after my mistakes are known (to me). I try to apologize to my children when I wrong them so they might know everyone sins and everyone can say sorry. I know as time goes on I will do better and have a deeper understanding of the atonement.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Monday, March 25, 2013
The Atonement - Initial Thoughts
What does the atonement mean to me. I wondered as I stared at the computer screen. I'd heard it hundreds of times before and had plenty of Sunday school answers to back me up when questioned. But that wasn't what my Dad asked me this time. He wanted my take on it. He wanted to know my experience with it. I decided to write my first impressions and follow up later after giving it more thought.
So here is round one:
My life has mostly been consumed by school, work, and family of late. Since 2005 I have been trying to obtain some kind of bachelor's degree with varying success, but no actual document. As I finally draw to the end of my undergraduate career, what weighs heavily on my mind is what I've gone through as a person, as a father, a husband, and part of a couple.
Life hasn't exactly handed me a stack of money nor ease and comfort. I'm not saying I compare to starving people in third world countries and I certainly have always had a roof over my head. Some of you may, upon hearing what I've gone through, laugh and say how weak and pitiful I am. Yet, my challenges are my own and have caused me grief and struggle throughout my time on Earth. They belong to me in the most intimate manor possible.
Eons ago, we agreed to be part of this test called life. We volunteered to come down to this planet and experience all life had for us. While I'm not sure what possessed me to elect for lower to middle economic class for my station in life, I am sure that it is part of a grander plan for me.
Imagine a system set up so perfectly that each person in it is given exactly the kind of trials, temptations, and suffering that they can handle and have agency to choose the next course of action. Not that they'll be unscathed or able to avoid further pain, but that they have the ability to choose how to live their life under the circumstances given. For some of us the trials are physical, for some mental, and for all of us their are spiritual trials that must be faced and conquered.
I have faced my fair share of trials so far - not more than, nor less, but my fair share. I've dealt with physical trials in the form of allergies, asthma, weak joints, lack of sleep, lack of proper nutrition, etc. I've had to battle my own mental demons - depression, OCD, my Aspergian tendencies, and my paranoia about friendships (how they don't exit or break apart) - while trying to make relationships with my wife and children work.
Let me say this - that were it not for the atonement of Christ, the refiner's fire would have consumed my all. His support and His taking on my impurities while replacing them with his own goodness has allowed me to progress and become more and more clean and bright as time goes on. I am not a solid lump of gold by any means, but I am no longer a measly clump of metal and dirt. I have value built into me and increased by the grace of God.
The atonement means I can face another day and know my family still has a chance to succeed because as long as I haven't given up, God is still supporting me. His Son knows all our pains and paid to know them at an infinite cost. His gift means I will be better tomorrow and each day after, because I choose to follow Him the best I can. My family is stronger now than ever because we continue to come through one challenge after another together. God's grace is sufficient that we might overcome all things.
From the 13th article of faith, "We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things."
So here is round one:
My life has mostly been consumed by school, work, and family of late. Since 2005 I have been trying to obtain some kind of bachelor's degree with varying success, but no actual document. As I finally draw to the end of my undergraduate career, what weighs heavily on my mind is what I've gone through as a person, as a father, a husband, and part of a couple.
Life hasn't exactly handed me a stack of money nor ease and comfort. I'm not saying I compare to starving people in third world countries and I certainly have always had a roof over my head. Some of you may, upon hearing what I've gone through, laugh and say how weak and pitiful I am. Yet, my challenges are my own and have caused me grief and struggle throughout my time on Earth. They belong to me in the most intimate manor possible.
Eons ago, we agreed to be part of this test called life. We volunteered to come down to this planet and experience all life had for us. While I'm not sure what possessed me to elect for lower to middle economic class for my station in life, I am sure that it is part of a grander plan for me.
Imagine a system set up so perfectly that each person in it is given exactly the kind of trials, temptations, and suffering that they can handle and have agency to choose the next course of action. Not that they'll be unscathed or able to avoid further pain, but that they have the ability to choose how to live their life under the circumstances given. For some of us the trials are physical, for some mental, and for all of us their are spiritual trials that must be faced and conquered.
I have faced my fair share of trials so far - not more than, nor less, but my fair share. I've dealt with physical trials in the form of allergies, asthma, weak joints, lack of sleep, lack of proper nutrition, etc. I've had to battle my own mental demons - depression, OCD, my Aspergian tendencies, and my paranoia about friendships (how they don't exit or break apart) - while trying to make relationships with my wife and children work.
Let me say this - that were it not for the atonement of Christ, the refiner's fire would have consumed my all. His support and His taking on my impurities while replacing them with his own goodness has allowed me to progress and become more and more clean and bright as time goes on. I am not a solid lump of gold by any means, but I am no longer a measly clump of metal and dirt. I have value built into me and increased by the grace of God.
The atonement means I can face another day and know my family still has a chance to succeed because as long as I haven't given up, God is still supporting me. His Son knows all our pains and paid to know them at an infinite cost. His gift means I will be better tomorrow and each day after, because I choose to follow Him the best I can. My family is stronger now than ever because we continue to come through one challenge after another together. God's grace is sufficient that we might overcome all things.
From the 13th article of faith, "We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things."
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