Today I drove home like normal. When I was nearly home I came upon an accident scene. An SUV had rolled and was sitting in the middle of the street. A few people were nearby.
I felt pulled like I had to get out of the car and help. As I did so, I hurried to the other side of the vehicle and with a few others looked at the lifeless body on the ground. The woman was dead and even though we checked for a pulse and signs of life, we all pretty much knew it once we got there.
After a brief look for anything helpful in and around the car my attention turned to the three children being looked after a few cars down. One was the woman's child, a 10-year-old girl. The other two were her grandchildren. They didn't know for certain if the lady was okay. We didn't elaborate.
Like when I felt I needed to leave my vehicle, I felt compelled to remain with the children. I hadn't seen the accident nor had I actually even touched anything at this point, but I knew inside I needed to remain. A kind woman, an elementary school teacher, was interacting with the children to keep them focused on other things. I joined her and let this teacher go and see how bad things were so she knew what to say around the children - I didn't want to promise them their grandma/mother would be okay.
One girl, aged seven, named Evie became my focus. The little baby was being held and the 10-year-old seemed to have enough support. I hugged Evie and stayed nearby as EMS workers, cops, and other bystanders continued to come to the scene. One person had seen the accident - the woman had been driving too fast and didn't make the turn at the curve in the road on time.
At some moment, while they were checking the vitals of the children and calling for help transporting them I stopped and looked down. Just off the road was a crystal - nothing fancy, just some quartz that looked like an ordinary rock on the outside. I picked it up and held it, knowing it was meant for one of the kids.
Moments later, Evie needed to have a neck-brace put on as a precaution. She was not happy and despite the kindly teacher and the EMS workers' gentle attempts at persuasion she was only getting more anxious and nearly sobbing. I let them try to help her, but then the feeling grew within me to give the rock to Evie,
I interrupted the two adults and speaking directly to the girl, said, "Evie, do you see this rock? It is a crystal and has the power to help you. I want you to squeeze it in your hand when you are scared and it will help you to be brave. Hold on to it." She took the rock and accepted the neck brace without further fuss.
That was it. I didn't really interact any further with the kids. Eventually they were hauled away in ambulances to the hospital to await family members' arrivals. The police had me move my car (which was conveniently parked over the skids marks and oddly protecting the dirt tracks in the road that the SUV had made). I left and went home.
The emotions of the event are deep and profound. I want to weep and throw myself on my bed. I felt rather helpless there. I knew God was using this to teach me something.
But, I also know I was there to help Evie. For some reason, God wanted me to reach out to her and provide her with a bit of hope and peace. I feel like I was a guardian angel for a minute. It may not be a significant part in my life, but perhaps it was significant to her.
If God can send a simple man like me to provide a few moments of peace to a random girl on the street, then He can surely help any of us when we need it. He knows us and cares for us. He will lead and guide us. Trust in Him
Showing posts with label trials. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trials. Show all posts
Thursday, March 31, 2016
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Farewell Old Car
Seriously, fare well! The new owner needs a good car!
We sold the Nissan Sentra tonight. My parents and my sister gave us that car for our wedding back in 2005 and we've abused the poor thing without mercy. I drove to my last job every day and put on most of the mileage we're responsible for adding. It had 94,000 miles originally and we parted with it at 169,500.
Although we replaced an engine and did some repairs over the years it was a blessing to have that car. It gave us transportation and helped us run errands and take road trips and simply performed above what it should have needed to do. God certainly helps us all the time.
So goodbye Sentra! Hope your life continues on for a while with your new owner. You were a good car.
We sold the Nissan Sentra tonight. My parents and my sister gave us that car for our wedding back in 2005 and we've abused the poor thing without mercy. I drove to my last job every day and put on most of the mileage we're responsible for adding. It had 94,000 miles originally and we parted with it at 169,500.
Although we replaced an engine and did some repairs over the years it was a blessing to have that car. It gave us transportation and helped us run errands and take road trips and simply performed above what it should have needed to do. God certainly helps us all the time.
So goodbye Sentra! Hope your life continues on for a while with your new owner. You were a good car.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Dead Sentra
So we got out of church today and I tried to start the car. No go. Several people came, offered assistance and opinions. One towed it back to the house for us.
It died. Something is wrong with the starter and there are a host of other upcoming problems. We are certain it is not worth it (for us) this time. So we are selling it off "as is." It's kind of strange since it was our first car and we personally put 76,000 of its 170,000 miles on it. But after replacing the engine ($3000) and all the other work put into it (~$1,500) since its original purchase of $3000, we are done.
Anyway, we have no attachment to it at this moment, which you'd think we would, right? Nope. We feel sure that it needs to go and we need to look into another vehicle (minivan? maybe...). We'll see. Keep us in your prayers!
It died. Something is wrong with the starter and there are a host of other upcoming problems. We are certain it is not worth it (for us) this time. So we are selling it off "as is." It's kind of strange since it was our first car and we personally put 76,000 of its 170,000 miles on it. But after replacing the engine ($3000) and all the other work put into it (~$1,500) since its original purchase of $3000, we are done.
Anyway, we have no attachment to it at this moment, which you'd think we would, right? Nope. We feel sure that it needs to go and we need to look into another vehicle (minivan? maybe...). We'll see. Keep us in your prayers!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Tests and Trials
So I am more than a little tired right now. I have had a full week and am out of mental reserves. My life seems to be taking a nose-dive in sensibility and my brain aches from the strain.
Monday we found out my three-year-old son has Asperger's Syndrome - a mild form of autism. It wasn't a real shock since we had suspected it for months, but the hard part came when the psychologist started explaining the road ahead for our little man. Again, it wasn't a huge surprise nor was it all that overwhelming. The part that hit me hard was how everything he described for Caleb's future was in my past.
Now I am not a shrink, nor will I be, but all the evidence (i.e. - asperger's is typically genetic through the male side, the striking similarities between my past and the psychologist's depiction of my son's future, my emotions and thoughts from childhood) points to me having asperger's too. For a day it didn't seem so bad, Caleb has it and I have it, so what? But the stress and anxiety of everything is getting to me now.
As a youth I was obsessed with things. Mostly video games because they are "safe" from the emotions and complications of the world. Then food of course was a favorite. But also social interaction (which may seem weird for an Asperger) was up high on my list. I was never good at it and to this day have issues meeting people and trying new things. My goal was to learn "the rules of engagement" so to speak. Strangely enough, there aren't very many set rules to relationships and so no true "scripts" to follow. Which makes it difficult to do much with other people if you suck at impromptu interaction.
Some who know me would stop and say, "But wait a minute, we know you and you act fine around us." This is mostly true. But it is only because I know you. I still am anxious and worried about what to say and what I've said every time I am around you. A guy at work pointed out that I interact well with customers at work. This is because I have been told almost verbatim what to say to them and how to handle their needs. School is the same - there are ways that are acceptable to interact with teachers. On all of these I open up more as I get to know them, but I can't do well without scripts for the majority of the time and will either zone out or act out to cover the fear.
I could keep doing examples, but I am mostly frustrated at what seems to be one of those "one step forward, two steps back" sort of deals. Over the years my obsession with social cues has built up many a canned response to life situations. I taught myself how to move my face for the right emotion and what to say and so forth depending on the situation. This week, as the anxiety has overwhelmed me (literally - I was unable to reason or breathe a few times), I have found my social "food storage" is depleting and that many of the remaining items have expired - or at least seem to have gone stale. For someone who depends on patterns and knowing just what to do, I am at a loss.
This post isn't really for anyone. I don't think anyone besides my wife and our dear friends (the ones always commenting on this site) read these rants of mine. I just wanted to spit some of this out of my mental mouth so it wouldn't sit fermenting in my head any longer. I am still reading my scriptures and praying and trust the Lord will help as I search out answers and whatever aid I can find. This is just a trial, like we all have in life.
Monday we found out my three-year-old son has Asperger's Syndrome - a mild form of autism. It wasn't a real shock since we had suspected it for months, but the hard part came when the psychologist started explaining the road ahead for our little man. Again, it wasn't a huge surprise nor was it all that overwhelming. The part that hit me hard was how everything he described for Caleb's future was in my past.
Now I am not a shrink, nor will I be, but all the evidence (i.e. - asperger's is typically genetic through the male side, the striking similarities between my past and the psychologist's depiction of my son's future, my emotions and thoughts from childhood) points to me having asperger's too. For a day it didn't seem so bad, Caleb has it and I have it, so what? But the stress and anxiety of everything is getting to me now.
As a youth I was obsessed with things. Mostly video games because they are "safe" from the emotions and complications of the world. Then food of course was a favorite. But also social interaction (which may seem weird for an Asperger) was up high on my list. I was never good at it and to this day have issues meeting people and trying new things. My goal was to learn "the rules of engagement" so to speak. Strangely enough, there aren't very many set rules to relationships and so no true "scripts" to follow. Which makes it difficult to do much with other people if you suck at impromptu interaction.
Some who know me would stop and say, "But wait a minute, we know you and you act fine around us." This is mostly true. But it is only because I know you. I still am anxious and worried about what to say and what I've said every time I am around you. A guy at work pointed out that I interact well with customers at work. This is because I have been told almost verbatim what to say to them and how to handle their needs. School is the same - there are ways that are acceptable to interact with teachers. On all of these I open up more as I get to know them, but I can't do well without scripts for the majority of the time and will either zone out or act out to cover the fear.
I could keep doing examples, but I am mostly frustrated at what seems to be one of those "one step forward, two steps back" sort of deals. Over the years my obsession with social cues has built up many a canned response to life situations. I taught myself how to move my face for the right emotion and what to say and so forth depending on the situation. This week, as the anxiety has overwhelmed me (literally - I was unable to reason or breathe a few times), I have found my social "food storage" is depleting and that many of the remaining items have expired - or at least seem to have gone stale. For someone who depends on patterns and knowing just what to do, I am at a loss.
This post isn't really for anyone. I don't think anyone besides my wife and our dear friends (the ones always commenting on this site) read these rants of mine. I just wanted to spit some of this out of my mental mouth so it wouldn't sit fermenting in my head any longer. I am still reading my scriptures and praying and trust the Lord will help as I search out answers and whatever aid I can find. This is just a trial, like we all have in life.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Lifting Higher
There come moments in life where a sort of "make it or brake it" point comes along. You know, when all Hell seems combined against you and your will to push forward is ready to snap. These moments are the refiner's fire. They are designed specifically for us to build within our souls the characteristics required for the future and eternity.
Albert R. Lyman once wrote: “Sturdy stuff is not developed in a soft cradle. Strong souls are born in adversity and schooled in hardship, and the great mill of fortune grinds more carefully on the special men and women destined to bear the heaviest human burdens.”
See, that moment when we are ready to collapse, ready to give in to the pressure and the pain that seems all consuming, is actually the moment when we can rise higher than ever before. We are not meant to wallow in the mire for all our existence. We are meant to push on, to fight through the sorrow and the suffering to become what we are meant to be. We can do it. We must do it. Our souls depend on it and others too.
We are destined for greatness, you and I. We are designed by an all knowing and loving creator who knows the best way to mold us into the champions of goodness and light we are to become. Hence it becomes more than critical to push on. When all energy is consumed, when all hope seems lost, when everything is falling apart, that is when the Lord steps in and lifts us higher.
We won't achieve greatness by giving up or giving in. We are given that honor when we have fought the good fight, when we have finished the course and we have kept the faith (see 2 Timothy 4:7).
Don't give up.
Albert R. Lyman once wrote: “Sturdy stuff is not developed in a soft cradle. Strong souls are born in adversity and schooled in hardship, and the great mill of fortune grinds more carefully on the special men and women destined to bear the heaviest human burdens.”
See, that moment when we are ready to collapse, ready to give in to the pressure and the pain that seems all consuming, is actually the moment when we can rise higher than ever before. We are not meant to wallow in the mire for all our existence. We are meant to push on, to fight through the sorrow and the suffering to become what we are meant to be. We can do it. We must do it. Our souls depend on it and others too.
We are destined for greatness, you and I. We are designed by an all knowing and loving creator who knows the best way to mold us into the champions of goodness and light we are to become. Hence it becomes more than critical to push on. When all energy is consumed, when all hope seems lost, when everything is falling apart, that is when the Lord steps in and lifts us higher.
We won't achieve greatness by giving up or giving in. We are given that honor when we have fought the good fight, when we have finished the course and we have kept the faith (see 2 Timothy 4:7).
Don't give up.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
I Just Want To Do What Is Right
All I really want in life is to do the right thing. Call it a personality quirk or a long-standing devotion to principle, but I can't make a move without knowing I'm on the correct course. I have read account after account in the scriptures of what happens to people who don't follow the Lord's counsel in all things and the few circumstances where someone does.
Nothing scares me more now than the future for me and my family. I never had to worry before about myself since most jobs afford a person the money needed for self-sustainment, but not very many supply the funds for a family. How will I be able to pay for their existence? How will I take care of their needs?
Yet there comes another factor - what other needs are there besides money? I have spiritual and mental nourishment to consider. They need me in the home so a long hour job, even with good pay, is out of the question. So what do I do?
The harder part is that asking the Lord requires faith, which I lack so often including now. I have been so wrong so many times on revelation and spiritual insight that basing career and family decisions off of it seems ludicrous and worthless from the world's perspective. Wrong before equals wrong again.
My father reminded me of such moments from the past and asked me to not trust my "feelings" on this one. He has valid points. I'm a nearly 27 year old man with a wife and three children who hasn't even made it through half of college yet. I was in tears during and after our conversation, not for his lack of understanding, but for the pain and anguish I felt over my poor abilities to discern the Spirit correctly.
I JUST WANT TO FOLLOW GOD'S PLAN FOR ME!!! Why does that have to be the hardest thing just to discover? I am reading and studying and praying and though I am sure I could do all those things more often and better I am doing them! Doesn't that count for something? Doesn't it mean anything?
I really just want God to come and tell me it will all be okay. That I was wrong before, maybe not on all things, but that I'll be okay now. I exposed too much of the spiritual parts of my past to others that all my flaws in that department are on display and I am now unable to find any ground to stand on when talking to them. I am left on my own.
I believe I am following the right course. I have hope that I have heard the Spirit even if it is only for a moment. I will take what I can and move forward. I just wish it didn't sting so bad and that, perhaps, I had just kept my mouth shut all those times when I thought I had felt the Spirit and even those times when I really had. I think that will have to be the way from now on.
Nothing scares me more now than the future for me and my family. I never had to worry before about myself since most jobs afford a person the money needed for self-sustainment, but not very many supply the funds for a family. How will I be able to pay for their existence? How will I take care of their needs?
Yet there comes another factor - what other needs are there besides money? I have spiritual and mental nourishment to consider. They need me in the home so a long hour job, even with good pay, is out of the question. So what do I do?
The harder part is that asking the Lord requires faith, which I lack so often including now. I have been so wrong so many times on revelation and spiritual insight that basing career and family decisions off of it seems ludicrous and worthless from the world's perspective. Wrong before equals wrong again.
My father reminded me of such moments from the past and asked me to not trust my "feelings" on this one. He has valid points. I'm a nearly 27 year old man with a wife and three children who hasn't even made it through half of college yet. I was in tears during and after our conversation, not for his lack of understanding, but for the pain and anguish I felt over my poor abilities to discern the Spirit correctly.
I JUST WANT TO FOLLOW GOD'S PLAN FOR ME!!! Why does that have to be the hardest thing just to discover? I am reading and studying and praying and though I am sure I could do all those things more often and better I am doing them! Doesn't that count for something? Doesn't it mean anything?
I really just want God to come and tell me it will all be okay. That I was wrong before, maybe not on all things, but that I'll be okay now. I exposed too much of the spiritual parts of my past to others that all my flaws in that department are on display and I am now unable to find any ground to stand on when talking to them. I am left on my own.
I believe I am following the right course. I have hope that I have heard the Spirit even if it is only for a moment. I will take what I can and move forward. I just wish it didn't sting so bad and that, perhaps, I had just kept my mouth shut all those times when I thought I had felt the Spirit and even those times when I really had. I think that will have to be the way from now on.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
The Upside of Failing
I went downstairs last night to check on my son. It had been a particularly difficult past two days and I was spent. My grades had come in, and they were bleak, my finances were still as messy as ever and I had tried to install our $35 garage sale dishwasher only to discover that I couldn't make it all fit leaving our kitchen a disaster for six or seven hours before my neighbor who is a plumber came and fixed it in 15 minutes (the part I was stuck at in less than five).
Anyway...I was feeling quite down and tired. My son, sitting on my bed watching Disney's Meet the Robinsons immediately climbed on my lap and curled into my arms. A minute later the quote that first got me hooked on that film came on: "To Lewis and his brilliant failure; may it lead to success in the future." That moment is so powerful. The boy spends the rest of the movie realizing what that means and then the even more empowering phrase "Keep moving forward" taken from the words of Walt Disney himself.
Everything about that movie screamed hope to me last night. It spoke of heartache and trial and how we are led on from that point. The closing scenes, the ending music, it all spoke of peace and love. That is the message I needed to hear. It is the one that we all need to hear.
I read part of a Liahona article afterwards: "We ought to realize that no matter what we've done in life, no matter what we do, God and Christ still love us just as much as they did before we failed," (Lowell L Bennion, "Overcoming Our Mistakes," Tambuli, Jul 1981, 47). Even at this moment, that simple line showers my soul with the spirit of our Heavenly Father. They do love us and want the best for us and will always love us, even if we fought against them with every part of our being.
This morning I continued my quest for enlightenment by searching for the words of others on the subject. One of the best was from Theodore Roosevelt who said, "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, that to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat," (Quoted in The Strenuous Life).
I am reminded of the words of John Mayer who sang, "It's better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say," (Say). Our lord said similar to through the Apostle John in Revelation when, speaking to the head of the Laodicean church, he said, "I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth," (Revelation 3:15-16). We cannot be fence sitters. They are worse than those who choose evil. Think on that.
Life's a journey and no single event makes it or brakes it. It is the sum total of who are at the end, which will be made up of all our experiences on the way, that determine the next life. It really is "all about the climb." We have to try and since we're flawed we'll make mistakes along the way. For most of us we'll make them every day. But that is what the atonement is for. Just like learning to play the piano takes hours of earsplitting practice and more patience than many of us have, life requires nothing less. Michael Jordan, considered by many the greatest basketball player ever, put it simply when he said, "I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed."
Finally I was looking for a lyrics page to copy down some of Miley Cyrus's song The Climb for another quote on the topic of failure. Turns out I couldn't select just part of the song. When I first heard it months ago I actually felt the Spirit bear witness to my soul that the words she was proclaiming through song were true. That song has forever been embedded in my heart for its power to remind me of what life is about. I posted it here to let it do so to others.
Anyway...I was feeling quite down and tired. My son, sitting on my bed watching Disney's Meet the Robinsons immediately climbed on my lap and curled into my arms. A minute later the quote that first got me hooked on that film came on: "To Lewis and his brilliant failure; may it lead to success in the future." That moment is so powerful. The boy spends the rest of the movie realizing what that means and then the even more empowering phrase "Keep moving forward" taken from the words of Walt Disney himself.
Everything about that movie screamed hope to me last night. It spoke of heartache and trial and how we are led on from that point. The closing scenes, the ending music, it all spoke of peace and love. That is the message I needed to hear. It is the one that we all need to hear.
I read part of a Liahona article afterwards: "We ought to realize that no matter what we've done in life, no matter what we do, God and Christ still love us just as much as they did before we failed," (Lowell L Bennion, "Overcoming Our Mistakes," Tambuli, Jul 1981, 47). Even at this moment, that simple line showers my soul with the spirit of our Heavenly Father. They do love us and want the best for us and will always love us, even if we fought against them with every part of our being.
This morning I continued my quest for enlightenment by searching for the words of others on the subject. One of the best was from Theodore Roosevelt who said, "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, that to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat," (Quoted in The Strenuous Life).
I am reminded of the words of John Mayer who sang, "It's better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say," (Say). Our lord said similar to through the Apostle John in Revelation when, speaking to the head of the Laodicean church, he said, "I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth," (Revelation 3:15-16). We cannot be fence sitters. They are worse than those who choose evil. Think on that.
Life's a journey and no single event makes it or brakes it. It is the sum total of who are at the end, which will be made up of all our experiences on the way, that determine the next life. It really is "all about the climb." We have to try and since we're flawed we'll make mistakes along the way. For most of us we'll make them every day. But that is what the atonement is for. Just like learning to play the piano takes hours of earsplitting practice and more patience than many of us have, life requires nothing less. Michael Jordan, considered by many the greatest basketball player ever, put it simply when he said, "I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed."
Finally I was looking for a lyrics page to copy down some of Miley Cyrus's song The Climb for another quote on the topic of failure. Turns out I couldn't select just part of the song. When I first heard it months ago I actually felt the Spirit bear witness to my soul that the words she was proclaiming through song were true. That song has forever been embedded in my heart for its power to remind me of what life is about. I posted it here to let it do so to others.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)