Process of Revelation

My last post was a bit more unstructured than I usually care for, but it was what I was going through in my personal pursuit of truth and therefore was appropriate for this blog. I feel that I should explain one item to also help clarify a point that I wish to make.

Years ago on my mission a member of a ward I was in told me, "You'd make a great child psychologist." This stuck in my head and I couldn't shake it for a couple of weeks. I took it to the temple and asked the Lord if it meant that was what I should do. Would that be a good thing? The answer was, in the best way I can describe it, Sure.

This lead me to decide to go to Brigham Young University to pursue my degree. I had met many people who had been mislead by popular psychology and didn't want to add to their problems. I figured learning from the Lord's college would overcome those issues and enable me to better help the populous. After my mission ended I met my wife, got married and moved up here to Provo, Utah.

Over time I found that I didn't want to be an academic researcher or book writer (which is mostly what a PhD in psychology gets you); I wanted to help children and families. This caused me to modify my major to Marriage, Family and Human Development in order to guide me later towards an advanced degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. I prayed and asked and again was given more or less, Okay, as an answer.

During that time I got a job working for a company assisting the mentally disabled. While it was a good job and I learned a lot about people and life, the most important thing I learned was I was in the wrong field. I didn't cope with other peoples' problems well at all. If they didn't improve and do better I was sunk. It is not good for your therapist to become critically depressed over your depression.

With time on my hands (I had failed a course in my field and been put on probation at school) and some talking with my wife we looked at my strengths. I did well in math and understood science fairly easily so we tried Civil Engineering. Surely this was a better choice? Talking with the Lord yielded the reply Go for it. We went at it which enabled me to find the motivation and resources to re enroll in school and remove myself from the bad academic standing. Yet I found myself in a hole again after one and a half semesters.

We had other important revelations we were trying to understand at the time and mentioning them to others just caused many to doubt we felt the spirit at all once they proved false in one manner or another. They lovingly suggest I stop trying to interpret the Lord's will. This makes it all seem like I can't understand the spirit for myself or my family. It appears as though I am more lost than I was before. That would be further from the truth than many realize.

These past five years I have gone non-stop at trying to learn the Lord's will for me. I have battled sickness, infirmities, depression, financial burdens and more while pleading continually with the Lord to strengthen and enable me to serve and save my family. He has done so and on the way taught me about the process of revelation.

The Lord speaks to each of us and guides us. We only have to tune in and listen correctly. While I have been wrong on many points from revelations in the past I have become better at discerning truth from error and my own will from the Lord's. Occasionally the two line up. More often than not I find myself trying to find the Lord from being a little off course. I am not like Mozart with music when it comes to the spirit. I have to be schooled and taught how to hear correctly over time. But isn't that the way most of us are?

A few weeks ago I was told clearly by God what I was - I am a teacher. I took that and applied it to my life and found a career that was in line with that and my strengths. I asked God if that was okay because I wanted to do it and desired it. This time the answer was Yes, that is a great choice. The most important part was that I chose and did it in a way that incorporated his will for me and my deepest desires and hopes.

I ran with what I had before and called it the Lord's will for me. It was my way of showing faith. I over interpreted things for certain, but I did the best I could with the material given. When I had a confirmation (or at the least not a negation) I went full steam with it. I prayed and hoped and wished it to be his will each time. The truth was His will was to guide me along and lead me to where I needed to be.

It took years but He has guided me to this point in a way that I couldn't have understood until now. He wants me to choose a career that will enable me to be happy, help others and provide for my family. He has helped me find it. I am sure of it as I am sure that He lives and loves us all.

This is truth.

I Just Want To Do What Is Right

All I really want in life is to do the right thing. Call it a personality quirk or a long-standing devotion to principle, but I can't make a move without knowing I'm on the correct course. I have read account after account in the scriptures of what happens to people who don't follow the Lord's counsel in all things and the few circumstances where someone does.

Nothing scares me more now than the future for me and my family. I never had to worry before about myself since most jobs afford a person the money needed for self-sustainment, but not very many supply the funds for a family. How will I be able to pay for their existence? How will I take care of their needs?

Yet there comes another factor - what other needs are there besides money? I have spiritual and mental nourishment to consider. They need me in the home so a long hour job, even with good pay, is out of the question. So what do I do?

The harder part is that asking the Lord requires faith, which I lack so often including now. I have been so wrong so many times on revelation and spiritual insight that basing career and family decisions off of it seems ludicrous and worthless from the world's perspective. Wrong before equals wrong again.

My father reminded me of such moments from the past and asked me to not trust my "feelings" on this one. He has valid points. I'm a nearly 27 year old man with a wife and three children who hasn't even made it through half of college yet. I was in tears during and after our conversation, not for his lack of understanding, but for the pain and anguish I felt over my poor abilities to discern the Spirit correctly.

I JUST WANT TO FOLLOW GOD'S PLAN FOR ME!!! Why does that have to be the hardest thing just to discover? I am reading and studying and praying and though I am sure I could do all those things more often and better I am doing them! Doesn't that count for something? Doesn't it mean anything?

I really just want God to come and tell me it will all be okay. That I was wrong before, maybe not on all things, but that I'll be okay now. I exposed too much of the spiritual parts of my past to others that all my flaws in that department are on display and I am now unable to find any ground to stand on when talking to them. I am left on my own.

I believe I am following the right course. I have hope that I have heard the Spirit even if it is only for a moment. I will take what I can and move forward. I just wish it didn't sting so bad and that, perhaps, I had just kept my mouth shut all those times when I thought I had felt the Spirit and even those times when I really had. I think that will have to be the way from now on.

Complacency

I was reading in the second book of Nephi this morning and had come to one of the most oft quoted passages by missionaries (at least the combative ones) - chapter 28. Many times on my mission I saw the fulfillment of these verses through the investigators and members of other churches. It was always amazing to me to see how accurate, if not word-perfect, they would be in citing (albeit unintentionally) words of an ancient prophet without having ever read them. Today, however, I was impressed by a new application of the verses.

"And they deny the power of God, the Holy One of Israel; and they say unto the people: Hearken unto us, and hear ye our precept; for behold there is no God today, for the Lord and the Redeemer hath done his work, and he hath given his power unto men;
"Behold, hearken ye unto my precept; if they shall say there is a miracle wrought by the hand of the Lord, believe it not; for this day he is not a God of miracles; he hath done his work," (2 Nephi 28:5-6).

As if they had been written anew these verses lept off the page and into my mind illuminating past encounters; not with investigators and non-members, but with the membership of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Certainly I've seen this referenced to support why the Christian churches at large do not have miracles claiming those died out with the ancient apostles. Yet look at what is said by many right around us today!

I have heard several times from the mouths of members that shortly after the Church was restored the day of mighty miracles had ceased. They insist that it is no longer needed. Contrast that with the words of Moroni:

"And if there were miracles wrought then, why has God ceased to be a God of miracles and yet be an unchangeable Being? And behold, I say unto you he changeth not...and the reason why he ceaseth to do miracles among the children of men is because that they dwindle in unbelief, and depart from the right way and know not the God in whom they should trust," (Mormon 9:19-20).

How sad is it then if our lives have no miracles! They come by our faith and devotion to the "only true God, and Jesus Christ whom [he] has sent," (John 17:3). This is not to say that angels will visit us daily and new scriptures will be put into our hands on a regular basis. It does mean, however, that miracles should be occurring frequently in our lives to some degree. Births of children, sustaining through difficult and trying times, fulfillment of promises whispered long ago are all examples of miracles that can happen to each of us.

The chapter of course didn't stop there.

"There shall also be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry; nevertheless, fear God - he will justify in committing a little sin; yea lie a little, take the advantage of one because of his words, dig a pit for thy neighbor; there is no harm in this; and do all these things, for tomorrow we die; and if it so be that we are guilty, God will beat us with a few stripes, and at last we shall be saved in the kingdom of God.
"...They have all gone out of the way; they have become corrupted.
"...they rob the poor because of their fine clothing; and they persecute the meek and the poor in heart, because in their pride they are puffed up.
"....Wo unto them that turn aside the just for a thing of naught and revile against that which is good and say that it is of no worth!
"....Wo be unto him that crieth: All is well!
"...that saith: We have received, and we need no more!
"...for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have," (2 Nephi 28:8, 11, 13, 16, 25, 27, 30).

How many people in our lives have we met or known who are caught in these sins? How many of us suffer from at least one of these problems? Isn't it strange to think of "robbing the poor" because we wear fine clothing or feeling at ease since "all is well?" It shouldn't be.

Paraphrasing President Kimball - Our lives are like our shoes - to be worn out in service. The law of consecration demands we give our all to the work and glory of God. We are returned what is needed. Holding on to riches and fine things of the world could very well cost us our eternal glory. Brigham Young once said, "The worst fear that I have about [members of this Church] is that they will get rich in this country, forget God and his people, wax fat, and kick themselves out of the Church and go to hell. This people will stand mobbing, robbing, poverty, and all manner of persecution, and be true. But my greater fear for them is that they cannot stand wealth; and yet they have to be tried with riches."

There is a disturbing tendency among all of us to sit back and enjoy the ride when life seems to be going well. We plateau, so to speak, for ages and don't move until we reach the other end and notice ourselves descending (if we notice at all). It is dangerous to sit back and say "all is well" for it is our duty and privilege to continue progressing infinitely until that glorious day when we are lifted up to our God and King. Yet this cannot and will not happen if we are complacent in our lives.

We cannot excuse our sins in the least degree. Others doing something does not create the freedom for us to do the same. Consequences exist regardless of peer pressure. We cannot look upon those we deem Peter Priesthoods and Molly Mormons with hostility without casting ourselves down to Hell. Regardless of their "apparent" attitudes, they are trying to do what is right and to mock and demean them only destroys our own souls.

It all boils down to this, and this was the big theme I saw while reading: we cannot sit idly by and hope we are going to Heaven in the end. Salvation is free, but at what cost? Shall we take the gift of the resurrection and just ignore the other proffered to us by Christ? Exaltation is not a free ride and will not be given to any, but those who have faithfully endured to the end and sacrificed for the kingdom of God. Those remaining on the spiritual couch of life will find that they are unfit to exercise any power in the next life past what they have done here.

I sincerely hope and pray that I will not be numbered among those unworthy to stand at the last day. My prayers are also with my family and friends that they too may find the strength of character needed to overcome the world and it's lies. Even those I know not yet or not well enough I yearn for their success in this school called life. All of us are capable and have the chance, I hope we take it. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Life Revisited

When I was a younger man I decided what I wanted to be when I grew up. I knew I wanted to have plenty of money, since we never did growing up, and I wanted to help people. A doctor seemed right up my alley. Shortly after this decision I was visited by a prompting from the Spirit which I neither recognized nor heeded. I still remember that moment.

A decade later and I have learned more and seen more than I had imagined. Not in a tour de earth or scholastic sense, but in a life lessons way. My abilities in various fields are not lacking and I was told by the Spirit years ago that I would be good at whatever I choose to do. But prestige (PhD) has never been a good enough reason and money is no longer the driving force. So what did I learn and what am I going to do about it?

I learned that following God is best. To never choose an option that removes me from his grace. To always stay true to myself and to the gospel. To follow the guidance of the Spirit when given and to put my family first.

Elder Henry B Eyring, speaking on the family, once said, "The difference in cost between what the world tells you is necessary and what your children really need could allow you the margin in time that a father and mother might need with their children to bring them home to their Heavenly Father," (The Family, BYU Speeches, 1995). That verse is pure gospel. Think of all the things we don't really need. TV, movies, big houses, and even things like dishwashers, cars, in home laundry machines and so forth can be done without if needed. And possibly not having to work the extra long shift at the demanding job to pay for them would provide the opportunities for a family to stay together.

Stephanie and have been talking about this idea of more time at home verses more money. We have agreed completely that my presence at home is far more important than unnecessary luxuries.

With that let me go back ten years and explain what the aforementioned prompting said. I had been reevaluating my future career options since the prospect of a decade in school, especially after high school, coupled with long hours seemed a little too far out there; so the doctor thing was out the window. But what to do now?

In the briefest of conversations I felt the idea thrust upon me: You could be a teacher. That was it. There was no fanfare, no forced opinions and certainly no angelic visitations. Just a simple and clear thought. I, of course, dismissed it immediately as I had seen my parents suffer with poor pay checks, demanding schedules and often dreary summer jobs to make ends meet. Why would I inflict that on myself and my future family

A week and half ago I felt another prompting: You are a teacher. I have been teaching various gospel classes for years now in different callings. They have been the joy of my life outside my family. Nothing makes me happier than to help another person learn and grow in some respect. I have even taught things like math on the side. I don't seem to be able to get away from it and it has finally broken through to me what this all means.

I AM A TEACHER! I don't know what I will be teaching plus the financial burden will be hard and the effort great, but I know that the best thing for me is to teach in some way. Even just thinking about it makes me feel at peace and like I finally understand part of who I am.

The part that is best for me is that it really is my choice. God never told me to do it. He just allowed me chances to experience it and learn for myself who I was and what makes me happy. He told me years ago that I would do well at whatever I chose to do and I choose this - teaching.

Now all that is left is to figure out what to teach; oh, and finish school...

The Upside of Failing

I went downstairs last night to check on my son. It had been a particularly difficult past two days and I was spent. My grades had come in, and they were bleak, my finances were still as messy as ever and I had tried to install our $35 garage sale dishwasher only to discover that I couldn't make it all fit leaving our kitchen a disaster for six or seven hours before my neighbor who is a plumber came and fixed it in 15 minutes (the part I was stuck at in less than five).

Anyway...I was feeling quite down and tired. My son, sitting on my bed watching Disney's Meet the Robinsons immediately climbed on my lap and curled into my arms. A minute later the quote that first got me hooked on that film came on: "To Lewis and his brilliant failure; may it lead to success in the future." That moment is so powerful. The boy spends the rest of the movie realizing what that means and then the even more empowering phrase "Keep moving forward" taken from the words of Walt Disney himself.

Everything about that movie screamed hope to me last night. It spoke of heartache and trial and how we are led on from that point. The closing scenes, the ending music, it all spoke of peace and love. That is the message I needed to hear. It is the one that we all need to hear.

I read part of a Liahona article afterwards: "We ought to realize that no matter what we've done in life, no matter what we do, God and Christ still love us just as much as they did before we failed," (Lowell L Bennion, "Overcoming Our Mistakes," Tambuli, Jul 1981, 47). Even at this moment, that simple line showers my soul with the spirit of our Heavenly Father. They do love us and want the best for us and will always love us, even if we fought against them with every part of our being.

This morning I continued my quest for enlightenment by searching for the words of others on the subject. One of the best was from Theodore Roosevelt who said, "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, that to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat," (Quoted in The Strenuous Life).

I am reminded of the words of John Mayer who sang, "It's better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say," (Say). Our lord said similar to through the Apostle John in Revelation when, speaking to the head of the Laodicean church, he said, "I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth," (Revelation 3:15-16). We cannot be fence sitters. They are worse than those who choose evil. Think on that.

Life's a journey and no single event makes it or brakes it. It is the sum total of who are at the end, which will be made up of all our experiences on the way, that determine the next life. It really is "all about the climb." We have to try and since we're flawed we'll make mistakes along the way. For most of us we'll make them every day. But that is what the atonement is for. Just like learning to play the piano takes hours of earsplitting practice and more patience than many of us have, life requires nothing less. Michael Jordan, considered by many the greatest basketball player ever, put it simply when he said, "I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed."

Finally I was looking for a lyrics page to copy down some of Miley Cyrus's song The Climb for another quote on the topic of failure. Turns out I couldn't select just part of the song. When I first heard it months ago I actually felt the Spirit bear witness to my soul that the words she was proclaiming through song were true. That song has forever been embedded in my heart for its power to remind me of what life is about. I posted it here to let it do so to others.

Miley Cyrus - New Music - More Music Videos