The Vilification Nation

I have been given a chance to pause and reflect. It was during a Sunday school lesson about 3 Nephi - where the whole western hemisphere goes to pot. The teacher asked us to reflect on how the first seven chapters were a type and a shadow for today's world. During the class, someone brought up how Christ visited Nephi in spirit (spoke to him) the day before his birth and how it gave a stance for our abortion position (save that one for later). Seemed a politically charged comment, but the teacher wisely moved on.

All together this conjured up an image of our 2012 election year. I saw the intense hatred and horribly critical, if not downright damning, remarks about the candidates from both major parties. I thought of the immense quantity of negative ads that have been going on since early this year - first among Republicans, then between them and the Democrats. Sadly, very little actually drives home any real message of what the candidates plan or plan not to do.

President Obama

Governor Romney

What I realized in church is that, in reality, neither is the devil they've been turned into. Each is a hybrid of both good and bad qualities - like all of us. We have to learn to accept both sides of ourselves. Not that we choose to be stagnant with our quest for perfection, rather that we find peace with where we are today and hope for where we'll be tomorrow.

Similarly, our current candidates are humans striving (as we can only hope) to be a little better each day. As long as they are working to be more than they've been, they are good people and deserve respect and perhaps a moment of our time and consideration - not venomous vitriol and hurtful slander.

The criticism does accomplish one thing - they villainize. They take a person (yes, politicians are people too) and rather than speak of them as a human being, they transform them into a monster. I watched as President Obama went from a well meaning idealist to a evil communist who wants to destroy Christianity and the American dream. I then saw Governor Romney changed from the man who saved the Olympics and a brilliant business man to the evil multimillionaire who just wants to further expand the clutches of the wicked wall street conglomerates and his other business buddies.  I am sad to say that I have been a part of it. I have passed on cutting jokes against "the other side" and listened to the rhetoric spewed by my own. I didn't take the time to learn positions from the party web sites or listening to speeches. I essentially was one more fool on the gossip train.

Since realizing my weakness, I have listened to both presidential convention speeches and visited the party sites. I plan on doing more to make sure I really understand what I am choosing and what the other option is. Neither is pure evil (contrary to angry web commentators), but there is a choice to be made and the only way to responsibly do it is to read, listen and learn from the parties what their own agenda and platforms are. 

I hope to be a better follower of Christ in this election process and not get sucked further into the vilification process this fall. 

I hope you may do likewise.

What Really, Really Matters

This has without a doubt been the toughest semester for me yet. I had one where my son was in the hospital for almost two weeks and I withdrew. I had others where things got tough, but none where I had to persevere like this time.

What started off with great potential, began to drag on and on. First my wife became pregnant and unlike a complicated miscarriage from before, it seemed smooth sailing. My teachers were enthusiastic and intelligent (still are, really), my classes doable and the road ahead getting more stable. Or so I thought.

Then, in late January, my wife's morning sickness started worsening. I was a bit of a strain, but I figured I could deal with it - and perhaps I could have if it had been that alone. My grandfather, a wonderful man and teacher, passed away in the middle of February. It took a toll on my I hadn't expected and wasn't ready for.

Worsening the effects were Steph's inability to feel better. Her nausea kept her tied to the couch for nearly three months - we are just getting out of it now in April. I had to balance work, school, housework and my grief while taking care of her and the kids at night and early morning. Until I went and saw my counselor I assumed that perhaps I was just not managing my time and life correctly. He, in true psychological wisdom, explained that anyone in my situation would be breaking down as well or worse.

Needless to say, it has been extreme and I am ready for it to be over, but I feel I have been given a glimpse of a few precious other things more important to my life.

I am eternally grateful for an employer who is understanding and kinds towards my circumstances. Last semester, when we were still trying to keep the prior "pregnancy" (might have been a blighted ovum, don't know) alive, she would always say to me, "Take care of your family first" whenever I had to ask for time off. She maintains that same stance now - she knows the importance of the family.

I am also grateful for the faith of my wife. She is nervous about finances and family things at times, but she keeps going and does her best in all places. It hurt not having her able to help much, but knowing her commitment and love for me and the family helped sustain me.

As I started this post, I had my son and daughter up against me. I had to stay home today from a sinus infection (I've eaten nothing but crap this past week) and then as I started feeling better, my wife fell ill. I have been taking care of her and missed more class and work, but I have begun to understand something - God is taking care of this family and me.

He doesn't make it easy - to be sure. I have had to claw my way out of depression, OCD, scholastic troubles, financial struggles and illnesses. I had to figure out where I stood in relation to my wife, my house, my schooling and more. But through it all has been the undeniable and clear message - take care of your family first and do what else you can second; nevertheless, the Lord will take care of you and provide what you lack.

My teachers have given me the needed leniency to finish classes I'm behind in. The school has verified I have Financial Aid through Fall semester and can petition for the final semester to be taken care of too. My wife and I have been bonding and supporting each other in new ways - I have begun to talk to her about my needs and struggles and she has been waiting to hear that stuff for years. It just took pushing me to my limit to force it out of me.

Isn't it funny how the way we grow best is being broken down and built back up piece by piece? I know God watches out for this family and for me. He loves us and has been providing what I cannot. Even when I fail to give my all (we all make mistakes), he still strengthens and uplifts us. It is He and my family that matter - anything else is merely an appendage.

Finding My Other Half - Dealing with Loss

No, I already have my spouse. This isn't about finding someone to fulfill my life - it's about finding the other half of my soul. And just in time.

Last week I was chatting it up at work with one of the Math Lab secretaries and the topic turned to Asperger's Syndrome. Seems she is going to marry a man who was only just diagnosed with it a year ago and she has done a lot of research on the subject. She couldn't quite see the symptoms in me. I showed her this blog and her first response was "That's a very Aspy title." I convinced her I was a recovering social misfit.

One thing she pointed out during our conversation was that Aspergians use the logic side of the brain almost exclusively (especially with social situations) and most neuro-typical people oscillate between that and the creative/artsy side. It struck a chord with me. I knew it was true and while walking to another building on campus, I pondered how I could get more in touch with my more emotional side. The answer was practically instant and came from my patriarchal blessing - music.

I said a quick thank you towards Heaven and continued onward towards my appointment.

This morning I woke up to my mother calling me. She said my grandfather passed away last night. I was numb about it for a while and even went to clean the church building (part of my church calling) this morning. Afterwards the bomb dropped.

The weight of untenable emotions was dragging me down. My wife was anticipating it and told me to cancel my tutoring jobs for the day. Shortly afterwards I pulled out the sheet music for "His Hands" by Kenneth Cope. I started playing and tried to be as tender as possible. I got to the part with "his hands would serve his whole life through..." and started choking up. By the time I was two-thirds of way through the chorus I broke down sobbing into the keys of my old, out-of-tune piano.

I am grateful to my Father in Heaven for watching over me and sending a tender mercy right when I needed it more than ever. I haven't had a person close to me die yet and with my lack of emotional dealings I wouldn't have been able to survive the weekend. God does love us and watches over each of us.