Finding My Other Half - Dealing with Loss

No, I already have my spouse. This isn't about finding someone to fulfill my life - it's about finding the other half of my soul. And just in time.

Last week I was chatting it up at work with one of the Math Lab secretaries and the topic turned to Asperger's Syndrome. Seems she is going to marry a man who was only just diagnosed with it a year ago and she has done a lot of research on the subject. She couldn't quite see the symptoms in me. I showed her this blog and her first response was "That's a very Aspy title." I convinced her I was a recovering social misfit.

One thing she pointed out during our conversation was that Aspergians use the logic side of the brain almost exclusively (especially with social situations) and most neuro-typical people oscillate between that and the creative/artsy side. It struck a chord with me. I knew it was true and while walking to another building on campus, I pondered how I could get more in touch with my more emotional side. The answer was practically instant and came from my patriarchal blessing - music.

I said a quick thank you towards Heaven and continued onward towards my appointment.

This morning I woke up to my mother calling me. She said my grandfather passed away last night. I was numb about it for a while and even went to clean the church building (part of my church calling) this morning. Afterwards the bomb dropped.

The weight of untenable emotions was dragging me down. My wife was anticipating it and told me to cancel my tutoring jobs for the day. Shortly afterwards I pulled out the sheet music for "His Hands" by Kenneth Cope. I started playing and tried to be as tender as possible. I got to the part with "his hands would serve his whole life through..." and started choking up. By the time I was two-thirds of way through the chorus I broke down sobbing into the keys of my old, out-of-tune piano.

I am grateful to my Father in Heaven for watching over me and sending a tender mercy right when I needed it more than ever. I haven't had a person close to me die yet and with my lack of emotional dealings I wouldn't have been able to survive the weekend. God does love us and watches over each of us.