Experimenting with Faith

I have been in the midst of an experiment these past several months. The details are too personal to share in general, but the journey and methods are too worthwhile not to expound on. They have enlightened and enriched my soul and continue to strengthen my resolve and faith.

Months ago I felt impressed with a piece of personal revelation. This simple feeling carried with it a lot of consequence, but not a lot of evidence. It even seemed that over the next few months it was more contradicted than upheld. Days and weeks passed with further lack of support. I wondered what was going on and if I had misinterpreted something and spoken incorrectly.
Further, I worried about how to resolve it since the time period had not passed and the signs of its truthfulness had not come. The time came where I began to not only ask if it was right, but what was I supposed to be learning from all of this regardless?

"But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him," (Hebrews 11:6).

For certain this was the concern. I needed to have faith, but faith must be in truth to be worth anything. Alma, speaking to Korihor, said, "I am grieved because of the hardness of your heart, yea, that ye will still resist the spirit of truth, that thy soul may be destroyed," (Alma 30:46). This is a fact in the gospel. Christ said, "And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free," (John 8:32). So I was not needlessly worried. Clinging to truth is fundamental.

The issue grew and grew within me and I stressed over it time and time again. What was I involved in? If it was of God it was good, but if it was not then I was in trouble. Which was it? Finally I began to remember the words of Alma I had discovered before my mission:

"Now, as I said concerning faith - that is was not a perfect knowledge - even so it is with my words. Ye cannot know of their surety at first, unto perfection, any more than faith is a perfect knowledge. But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words," (Alma 32:26-27).

Life is hard and trying and uncertain and it cannot be solved in a moment. We do not gain truth instantaneously like downloading a computer program. "For he will give unto the faithful line upon line, precept upon precept; and I will try you and prove you herewith," (D&C 98:12, see 11-12). It is a divine mandate that we learn a little at a time not all at once.

With all this came the answer to the unspoken question - why do we learn this way? Why can't answers be shown unto us and the faith we strive for given to us by miracles and signs?

"Yea, there are many who do say: If thou wilt show unto us a sign from heaven, then we shall know of a surety, then we shall believe. Now I ask, is this faith? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; for if a man knoweth a thing he hath no cause to believe, for he knoweth it. And now how much more cursed is he that knoweth the will of God and doeth it not, than he that only believeth, or only hath cause to believe, and falleth into transgression?" (Alma 32:17-19).

God is gracious enough to allow us time to learn so we have time to grow. We cannot progress in an instant from men who are not "even as much as the dust of the earth," (Mosiah 2:25) to "inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths," (D&C 132:19). It just doesn't work.

I have learned that the point of this whole endeavor, regardless, is to understand how to receive revelation and know of its truth. We must experiment upon the word we receive, by the voice of others or the Spirit of God, in order to obtain the sure knowledge we seek. It takes time and patience, but in the end it "yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness," (Heb 12:11) and the salvation of our souls. I hope all of us can do this and pray so in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.