While thinking about Asperger's and its potential causes I was bemused by an idea.
You see, I am certainly curious about what may have triggered my son's Asperger's and of course my own struggles, but I am not eager to have the causes known if they implicate my wife or mother's decisions. They have suggested that everything from genetics to diet to immunizations and even mode of birth can be factors. If one was selected as the true progenitor, would I be able to tell the women in my life? Would they be able to face themselves if it was their fault - even in an unintentional way?
Then I realized that it is more like alcoholism and the various drinks that support it. For most of America and many, many people (if not most) around the world, a drink of beer, wine, or something similar is not only okay, but expected. Men come together and watch the game with bottles in tow. Women expect to be "wine and dined" by the men who desire them. Yet, very few think about the risks to the alcoholic nor the problems that alcohol does to everyone regardless of addiction.
No one condemns the world at large for the tolerance of alcohol. Most consider the access to the drug a rite of passage into adulthood and thereafter a privilege thereof. And alcoholics aren't exposed before their first drink of liquor. They find out from the interaction afterwards.
Similarly, we don't know the cause of the Asperger's syndrome for certain. It could be any of the listed items above or it could be something else entirely. What if it is vaccines? Do we begin condemning our mothers for their shortsightedness? I think not. We would, if truly understanding, forgive them knowing they were doing everything they "knew" to be right to help us in our growth and progress in life.
In light of this idea, I still wish to know the cause someday, but only in general to help in the future. I am not upset at my wife or mother for choices they have made. I know them both well and see they love their children and have done everything in their power to give them life and happiness. I love them and their courageous spirits.
3 comments:
...and if fathers aren't involved in the decision making process it would equally be their fault anyway...
I was amused by this post Justin! You bring up interesting theories, and I would like to see if there is a correlation between certain pre-birth behaviors of the mother and certain mental illness tendencies of the child. Then OB-GYNs and Midwives could warn against various activities during pregnancy. Like smoking and drinking for instance, which was condoned in the 1960s as a way to calm the frazzled nerves of pregnant women. Medical research has since shifted, and I wonder if they will come out will new information in the next 20 years, such as: "Eating Kit-Kats while pregnant will make your baby bipolar" or "Riding in an airplane while pregnant will cause ADD in your baby due to the increased pressure on the womb." :-)
Anyways, while I am a firm believer that a mother can do the best for her baby by taking care of herself (physically, mentally, emotionally) in the best way possible, I also believe that people are given certain traits, challenges, and personalities to be tested and tried in this life. Ultimately one of life's greatest challenges is getting along with others with different (and often conflicting) personalities and view points. So if one is born (nature) or socially trained (nurture) to have Aspberger tendencies, then it is up to the individual to acknowledge the weakness (to work to overcome them but not be limited or dictated by them) and use his/her strengths to function as contributing members of society. Now more than ever, we are beginning to understand the brain, emotions, and nervous system to better understand humans altogether. So don't worry Justin! Just give the science a few more years to catch up!
Good luck with everything!
Take care!
C&A
If Heavenly Father would just let us know beforehand that "this particular action *THIS TIME* will result in *THIS RESULT, THIS TIME* a good portion of us would do the right thing this time.
Sometimes things have because of the choice others make and sometimes the trials of this life happen simply because we are being tested.
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