A Parent's Pain - A Child's Asthma

Sadie at grandparents, suffering allergies and asthma

I don't think anyone is ready for the shock of chronic problems in their lives. I think even fewer of us are ready for the hit that comes from learning our child is suffering. It could be that I am just a little under the weather right now (I do feel a cold starting) or that I am stressed out by work and school. I feel, though, that the realization that my daughter has asthma and how it will affect her from now it on, is really sinking in.

I was up in an Abstract Algebra class and lost all ability to focus for a while. It feels like a panic attack in progress how much it hurts right now. What do I do for my poor three year old who struggles to breathe? I know the routines - I was that three year old for my parents, so I understand the mechanics of the situation. The emotional impact, however, I don't know or understand fully.

This reminds me of when our older son was diagnosed with Asperger's. It was not unexpected. We had been talking to other people for months and researching and exploring. Still, when the doctor finally said, "He has Asperger's" it was not something we were ready for. Within days, both Steph and I had bawled our eyes out over the situation and the concerns and fears and all us that comes from it. Perhaps we had been hoping for a different outcome, a new diagnosis we hadn't considered. We are now looking at it more as a blessing for him (he gets to be a genius and not care so much what other people think - cool!) instead of the curse it seemed a year ago.

Sadie's asthma? I'm having a hard time with this one. People die from this disease, suffer for decades, are restricted from certain activities and so on. I know. I was there. From my youngest years of walking through today, I have suffered with this disease. She inherited it from me - so I know almost everything that she is going through and will go through. We even have new tools to fight it (see other blog). It doesn't change how I feel though.
 

Caleb in the hospital, 2-3 weeks old

It is like when Caleb was in the hospital for a week when he was just days old. It was so hard. We never knew what the problem was (hospital tests never figured it out). He just ended up on an oxygen mask for a month at home. We cried so much during that time. 

Now I want to break down and cry again. My little baby girl is sick - in a more permanent way. She won't magically get better in a week or two. She'll struggle with this perhaps her whole life. I always wanted her to be healthy and happy and do whatever she wants in life. This can have a significant impact on that. The image of her with the nebulizer mask on gives me a pain of sorrow and deep empathy for her. I love my daughter.

Again, logically I know she'll be alright, but it doesn't change how I feel. There are medicines and oils and methods for keeping her alive and sound. My trial now is to trust in God. To know that he gave her this trial, like he gave it to me, for a purpose in her life.