This blog might be one of the more selfish ones that I write since it hinges on a lot of personal study, reflection and change. I hope it will be of worth to you as well as myself. It will be a multi-part work in the end.
Almost two decades ago, my parents gave me a video game system as a gift. We had very few games for it and the graphics were similar to poorly drawn cartoons, but even coupled with my poor playing skills these things mattered little to me. I loved that system.
As time went by, more games were added and eventually more systems. I developed a bond with the video game world. If I was hurt or upset it would accept me into its varying worlds and allowed me a form of forgetfulness that I attributed to peace. The solace I found there only required time, though the price grew higher throughout the years.
When I got to high school the games were there. I left school work to play them if I did feel at ease. Of course it left the school work undone which added to the stress of life and drove me back to the games again. This cycle led to a lack of social life, poor grades and a lack of self-esteem outside the pixel world.
What disturbed me and has driven me to write this entry is how difficult it was to give up the games even though they contributed nothing of value to my life. It took a lot of introspection, gospel insights and new motivation to break away from their grip. I want to share not only the path I took, but also the teachings from my faith surrounding this topic. Please allow me a little indulgence.
My first real hint, other than my parents, was from Elder M Russel Ballard in the October conference of 2002. I had already been called as a missionary, received my endowments, and was waiting to leave for the Missionary Training Center in November. During this priesthood session address, I, like so many young men that night, felt ripped apart. What a presentation. You could not deny the truth of his words as he boldly declared, "Please understand this: the bar that is the standard for missionary service is being raised. The day of the 'repent and go' missionary is over."
Just moments after this legendary phrase was uttered, Elder Ballard hit me with another spiritual sucker punch. He said to limit "the amount of time spent playing computer games. How many kills you can make in a minute with a computer game will have zero effect on your capacity to be a good missionary." In a moment all the actual preparation I had put into leaving flashed in front of my mind and it paled in comparison to the investment I had made in video game entertainment.
While in my first area on the mission, I found that the problems didn't just disappear. After two more missionaries were added to the area a member family invited us over for dinner. Once the pizza and salad was eaten he invited all four of us to play a video game. Over an hour later I left feeling absolutely ashamed.
Several times since then I have reflected on the phrase, "see that ye serve him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day, " (D&C 4:2). All of my faculties were somewhere else for that hour plus of time. I was not blameless.
I vowed at that point never to let video games interfere with my life again. For my mission I kept my word expect once when it was actually a good moment to sit with a less active member and we talked almost all the time (we played for around 15 minutes). When an investigator gave me a newer game as a gift I put it in my trunk and decided to figure out what to do with it later.
By the time I returned from the mission I had decided to give them up entirely. What worthy purpose had they ever served in my life? I told my family my decision and after being laughed at watched myself fall right back into where I'd been before.
Marrying Stephanie brought great hope and love into my life. I saw our future as both promising and full of joy. Nothing would come between us. Then we got a video game system as a wedding gift.
I am reminded that while I feel horrible about who I was, I was not as bad as many men become and certainly not abusive. What hurts me is knowing that I placed a high value on those games. They meant a lot to me and I would continue to go to them for solace rather than turning with heartfelt communication to my eternal companion when troubles arose; even troubles between the two of us. I did not understand fully the counsel to "let nothing in life take priority over your wife—neither work, recreation, nor hobby," (Russel M Nelson, April Conference 1999).
Continued on Entertainment versus Exaltation - Part Two...
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